#i said ironically but i feel like thats the wrong word- i am correcting that rn: i coincidentally headcanon all 3 on the aspec community

[zestydistress]

They would be best friends.

[caffeinated-cryptid]

bishop to castle; check.

3.8k words | AO3 link | tags/warnings: suicidal behaviour, risk of falling from a height, talking someone down from a ledge, hurt/comfort, platonic roceit, positive ending.

“After weeks of moping post-POF, Janus goes into the imagination to find Roman. They end up having a much more intense conversation than he could have ever planned for.”

-------------------

Janus hadn’t seen hide nor hair of Roman since their last argument. It was fine, probably, he justified to himself, despite how Patton had returned from their talk with pursed lips and worriedly furrowed eyebrows. He likely just needed time to process everything that had happened, and Janus wasn’t going to push that. 

(His reluctance to address the issue had nothing to do with the fact that he dreaded another confrontation. Totally not.)

After all, forcing his presence on Roman now could potentially only make things worse. So instead he would just have to wait for him to come around first-- to calm down enough to be willing to hear him out without resorting to name-calling.

Janus was plenty busy anyway, what with his new position in Thomas’ life. More than smoothing over one less-than-steller relationship with a side (which Janus was collecting like pokemon cards recently, it seemed), he elected to focus on ensuring Thomas held true to his promises of self-care, which meant working with Patton more often.

That wasn’t so terrible, at least it wasn’t as bad as the him from a year ago would have expected; the side was trying harder to welcome his contributions which he appreciated. Though inadvertantly through this new partnership, he found himself being dragged into more casual hang-outs, where they would do nothing but...chat. Sharing daily anecdotes and worries and secrets about themselves. It was strangely open and the sort of thing Janus had to adjust to, but with this new friendship he had found himself in, he did his best not to ruin it.

“I’m getting worried.” Patton admitted one day, setting down the tv remote after a finished screening of some Air Bud spinoff. How Janus had been wrangled into watching that ceaseless dog series was beyond him. “I think the others might be starting to come around to you, but Roman...”

Patton didn’t need to finish his sentence, because Janus already knew what he meant. With Virgil and Logan, he’d been making an effort to try to prove his worth as a member of the team (whether or not that was working was yet to be seen, despite Patton's generous assertions that it would all work out eventually), but he hadn’t even gotten the chance do to that with the creative side. As much as he had first assumed that time and space would do the trick, it seemed like that wasn’t the case after all.

 “I suppose a confrontation is inevitable.” He grimaced, knowing that this had been put off for long enough.

“Would you do that?” Patton asked suddenly, looking to him with relief. It made Janus realize that it sounded like he had signed up to go talk to Roman himself.

“Uh...” Janus tensed, his previous concerns surfacing again. “I don’t think I would be the best suited to have this conversation-”

“Oh- Pleeease? You two need to talk most of all! Besides, when I went, he wouldn’t even...” Patton trailed off, biting his lip with a pout. “...Could you try, at least? Maybe you could get through to him.”

“...Alright. I’ll go before lunch.” Janus agreed begrudgingly, rewarded by Patton’s grateful smile. Stupid puppy face. That would have to stop working eventually.

-------------------

That was how Janus found himself in the lawless lands of The Imagination.

It had filled him with dread, knocking on the red and gold door and recieving no response. Even more so when he risked intruding anyway and seeing the wrecked state of the room, and then noticing the entrance to The Imagination wide open.

Unsurprisingly, that was where he found the side in question. More surprising was when he did, finding him sitting on the edge of the tallest turret of his castle, like he had decided to overlook his kingdom in the most dangerous way possible. Janus wasn’t so naive to assume that was all it was though.

Roman probably saw him approach as he ran the rest of the way to the castle, and that pushed him to go faster, dashing through the lonely walls of the old building until he was climbing up those spiralling stairs all the way to the top. When he finally made it, he stood there doubled over and completely out of breath as he adjusted to the high altitude winds that bit at his cheeks. He used the seconds he took to catch his bearings to figure out what to do-- his eyes never once leaving Roman’s back, who luckily hadn’t moved at all during his frantic dash. Perhaps his insticts had been wrong and there was nothing dangerous going on here. Every part of him screamed to stay and stop whatever this was though-- so he did.

“Roman.” He ended up saying once his breath had evened out, and nothing more. There was too much going on in his head to break whatever balance they currently had; too much to ask, too much to say, to explain, to defend, to try to understand.

Said side turned his head slightly to make eye-contact; not facing him, yet it was acknowledgement at least. “Deceit.” He said after a beat. His voice was cold, but not angry, and for some reason Janus would have prefered it if Roman were upset with him. Anything but this odd indifference that made him feel guilty for not summoning up the courage to check in sooner.

“Janus.” Janus corrected in an invitation to use his name. He intended it as a sign of goodwill, but Roman’s face twitched and he looked away again, this time his focus on the ground directly below.

“I came to talk.” Janus said in an attempt at a distraction. He was disheartened when Roman made no move to acknowledge him again, so he continued despite his uneasiness. "Would you please come down?”

“What? Scared, Deceit? I'm not doing anything. I'm not going to either, so you can go back to whoever sent you and tell them I’m fine.” Roman scoffed and the string of lies felt bitter in the fridgid air, enveloping him like an unwanted hug. If possible, Janus’ heart begun racing even quicker.

He wanted to protest and say that he had come of his own volition, but Janus knew that lying right now wouldn’t do either of them any good. “In that case, would you do it for my peace of mind?” He tried instead, and it earned him a wry smile, sent from over Roman’s shoulder.

“What ever gave you the impression I care about that?” Roman shot back, standing up only to turn on his heel to step down into the crenel next to him, then back up onto the the next merlon. He continued, going up and down and slowly circling around Janus like a predator would it's prey, but somehow he didn't feel like the one being hunted here. Actually, it was more like he was trying to convince a mouse that the cheese on a trap wasn't worth it. And being a snake himself, that simile was especially ironic.

“...That’s fair. We can talk like this, then. I wanted to apologize and hopefully make amends.”

Roman’s footing twisted haphazardly and Janus all but shot forward to steady him until he was given a deadly glare that froze him in his tracks.

“Stay back! You're not fooling me again. As far as I know, you'll just try to convince me to take a swan dive right of the side of this tower. No greater depth to plummet to than that, huh?"

“I- that's the complete opposite of what I want.” Janus stressfully replied, fighting against the urge to pull Roman off of the edge and end this whole thing himself, instead holding up his hands as a sign that he wouldn’t come closer. God, where had he gone so wrong go end up in this situation? He should have convinced Patton to come with him when he had the chance-- at least he probably would have had a better idea on how to get through to Roman when he was like this. Comparitively, Janus had no clue. He didn’t have the trustworthiness or the years of friendship.

“I believe you. You've already made it so clear just how much you care.” Roman replied sarcastically. Janus felt his hackles rising.

“I’m not lying! I didn't want any of this.” Janus gestured around. “There's so much I wish I could take back, but especially whatever I did to cause this.”

“Oh, Janus.” He felt a small dose of hope when Roman finally used his name, which was quickly dashed as he huffed out a laugh. “Always thinking you have a finger in every pie. Isn't it enough for me to come to this conclusion by myself?”

He continued bitterly, practically stomping his way around the edge of the tower now. “It's not like it was hard. Even an idiotic egomaniac prince like myself can tell when he's not wanted anymore. When the dream has died.”

Janus, despite the silver tongue he may possess, struggled for words in the face of Roman’s insecurity. He had wanted the anger because he had assumed it would be easier to prove that he wasn’t as evil as Roman was so keen to accuse him of being. He just hadn’t expected this issue to be so deeply sensitive. (Though perhaps he should have picked up on that hint when he saw the other side looking ready to jump to a temporary death). “Thats not true at all, you’re incredibly important and all of us need you. Perhaps we’re operating under new rules now, but that doesn’t mean you’re not wanted.”

But it seemed that wasn’t the best thing to say. Roman stopped in his tracks, his expression unreadable as he began shaking with fury or perhaps something else. “...If I’m ‘so important’, why does it never feel that way? Why am I the only one who has to change constantly for rules that can never stay the same? Why do I have to make sacrifices and tone down my voice?”

His controlled tone got louder and more stressed. “Why are my best efforts never good enough? Why are my doubts ignored? Why is it considered fair to disparage my work? To ignore the blood, sweat, and tears I put into everything?”

Janus stared in horror as Roman kept going, yelling over anything he could have possibly wanted to say.

“Why does it take this to be be fucking noticed?!”

Both of them paused when his rant reached a screaming crescendo and fat angry tears rolled down Roman's cheeks.

"...Forgive me if I'm having a little difficulty trusting what you say right now.” He sniffed, ducking his head away to wipe his eyes. The words were distant despite the soft way they were uttered.

Once again Janus was lost for what to say as he watched Roman compose himself. There was simply too much there to unpack, too many years of built-up stress and resentment. What in the absolute hell had these sides been doing all this time? “...I do wish to take some responsibility for that, though. Your hesitancy to trust again.” That seemed like a good place to start, if any.

Roman only snorted humourlessly at his efforts though, voice tired and unenthused. “I'm sure you would. It's a lot easier to sweep aside a broken vase rather than acknowledge its cracks when they’re forming, after all. That was the lesson you taught us, right?”

Janus winced at the callback to his first appearence to Thomas. He didn’t necessarily regret that day, but having it thrown back now made it feel like something to be ashamed of; seeing his lessons interpreted in such a way. “...Is that how you see yourself? Broken?” He asked instead, squashing down his indignation.

He only got silence in return. Janus swallowed, definitely regretting his hesitance to resolve this issue now.

“Roman, even though I doubt you’d trust my words, I promise that we're not trying to simply ‘sweep this aside’. If we're going with the vase metaphor, all of us want a chance to try to glue the pieces back together. Make right on all of the ways you’ve been wronged.” When that got no response, he tentatively asked, “Have you ever heard of Kintsugi?"

“...Broken pottery fixed with gold, I'm aware. But trying to apply that right now is sloppy, even for you. People are never so beautiful after being so thoroughly broken, nor is it that easy." Slowly, Roman sat down on the edge, and even though his legs were dangling over the wrong side, Janus' heart finally felt some semblance of rest. He took a step forward.

"I disagree. Kinstugi is rarely an straight-forward process either, and yet it achieves such splendid results with just a little patience and care. Which is to say... while it may not be the easiest thing to do, there’s undeniably beauty and strenght in survival. Trying again even when it feels impossible.”

“Of course you'd think that, Mr. Kill or be killed. You have no choice in whether you get to continue forward. But I do.”

Janus paused at that, only four paces away from Roman now. The creative side startled when he peered backwards and saw him so close, and then he glared at Janus as he stood up again, this time facing him fully. His foot slid backwards until the worn-down structure crumbled under his heel, sending rocks tumbling down below. It was a warning, Janus realized as his blood frooze in his veins.

“Don’t look so shocked. I control everything here, or did you forget?” Roman smiled. It wasn’t a happy smile or even a smug one; it only looked like he was stretching his mouth unnaturally, all pretenses of putting on a convincing performance stripped away. “If I want, I could have a Pegasus fly by and save me at the right moment. Or I could expand the moat to catch me. Or..."

Roman looked frustrated for a second when he couldn't think of anything else, even more so when Janus patiently waited for him to think of another example. In the end, he gave up.

"The point is, I call the shots about what happens to me."

"But would you? Save yourself?" Janus questioned hesitantly. He knew he was treading on thin ice, so he left it there. Roman raised an eyebrow at him and he returned it, making it clear that he wanted an answer. He recieved it with a scoff.

“Of course I would. What kind of question is that?”

Lie.

Janus winced. “Roman... You are aware of my ability to detect lies, yes?”

The creative side blinked in surprise and then looked at him with wide eyes, as if he hadn’t expected to be called out. Like it had been so natural to brush aside the question that he didn’t even realize his own feelings. Fortunately, Janus’ ability was too keen to be fooled by one’s own self-deception. He could see below the surface like that; pull people’s hidden truths from them and keep them for himself, like a keeper of forbidden knowledge (Though in moments like these, sometimes he wished he couldn’t. Ignorance truly is bliss).

“Should I ask again?” He pressed. “Are you really planning on saving yourself?”

This time Roman’s face screwed up in confliction and he directed his gaze to the floor of the tower. It was an awfully clinical way to ask, but it felt necessary to stop dancing around what was important-- this casual show of self-destruction.

Eventually, the other cracked with a tired huff of laughter. Sadly genuine this time.

“...It's certainly nice to think that I could.” Roman admitted as he rubbed his face, apparently not mad at being called out this time. “Finally being a hero again, even if it's only to myself.”

Janus paused in shock. Was he still misinterpreting that moment?

“That wasn't a lie.” Janus blurted out, taking even himself by surprise by the thoughtless exclamation. “Thomas still thinks of you as his hero. There’s no need to do things like this to prove it.”

Romans eyes went watery and he avoided his gaze.

“At this point I don't think it matters, when I haven’t been acting like it at all lately.” He whispered coarsely, uncharacteristically quiet compared to the wind. “Frankly, I'm surprised you're even trying to stop me."

Janus eyes softened and he took another tentative step forward, then another when Roman didn't react badly. “Why wouldn’t I? I’m not just Deceit, you know. Part of my job is to help you.”

“...Because you hate me? At this point you have more reasons to than not.” Roman explained warily, looking at him like Janus were seconds away from snapping and shoving him over the edge. It hurt to have that sort of mistrust placed on him, but at the same time Janus understood it. He had often been in that sort of situation before; doubting the safety of opening up to other people. That was just part of his job, to be doubtful and wary in order to protect the self. Yet to see it so openly on somebody else felt like a punch to the gut, even though he should have been used to that feeling of being distrusted by now.

“Do you think me so sensitive that a schoolyard insult would make you my archenemy? Or being called evil? That is...sort of what I’ve been going for.” He cracked a joke, gesturing to his outfit. When Roman kept staring at him he sighed. “Of course I don’t hate you, Roman.”

Roman shifted doubtfully. “That doesn’t mean you like me, either. Maybe it doesn’t mean much to you, but you should know how- how being called that hurt me.”

"...Yes.” It was Janus’ turn to be uncomfortable. “Perhaps at first I felt attacked and wanted to make you feel the same hurt, but I would never have said that had I known just how deeply it would have impacted you. I’m sorry for that.”

Roman’s expression turned incredulous, like he couldn’t believe Janus had apologized. “...You know, I wanted to make you upset. I wanted you gone.”

“I figured.” Janus nodded.

“And that doesn’t change anything? Even though I acted so...” Roman bit his lip. “So unheroic?”

Janus stifled a sigh. By now, he really hated that word with a passion. It had caused so many high standards, so many instances of self-sacrifice, so many misguided attempts at selflessness and perfection. Perhaps later they could talk about it all and lay out why it had done so much harm, but for now he decided not to push it, not when he felt so close to getting a breakthrough.

“Believe it or not, but I think that you've been plenty heroic already. This whole time you've been fighting for something you thought was valient and noble, and that means something, even if it was for a misguided cause.”

That took Roman off-guard. He moved his foot away from the edge subtley, and had Janus not been focused on his face, he would have considered it a small victory.

“...What’s the point of all of this, really? Is this some... some dastardly plot?” Roman questioned skeptically. He was looking even more cornered now that he was letting Janus’ words sink in.

“All I'm here for is to offer the helping hand you need, if you’ll accept it.” Janus said softly as he extended his hand up to him. “Really, my only plot right now is to get you off that ledge before you give me a heart attack. Please?”

Roman stared at him, desperately trying to find some sort of mistruth in his eyes before his gaze lowered to the outsretched hand. It felt like time slowed in the seconds he was making his decision and Janus held his breath, waiting...wating... until finally the other side nodded and took his hand.

With Janus’ help, Roman stepped down, looking confused and lost now that he was away from the edge. The expression pained Janus’ heart, so he opened his arms half expecting rejection, only to be taken back by how quickly Roman latched onto him. Janus wasted no time clinging back, so relieved that he actually suceeded that he didn't want to risk ever letting go, like this moment could be torn away at any second. It was no surprise when he felt the other’s chest jerk with held-back sobs until there was a wetness on his shoulder, and he didn't say anything about it. He didn't need to either, because Roman spoke up first.

“It didn’t mean anything. Really!” He exclaimed through messy tears. “I was only thinking about it!”

Lie.

“...It's okay if it was more than that.” Janus soothed, patting his back. “It's okay to feel low and in need of help.”

That made him cry harder and Janus was relieved to see the excess of emotions finally pour out. While waiting for Roman to calm down, he had to fight for his own tears to not spill over. Inevitably, the stress of the situation finally caught up when the adrenaline wore off, and he sagged into the hug, sniffling quietly and trying not to fall over on his aching legs. He really just sprinted up multiple flights of stairs, didn’t he? Belatedly, he realized that he must have lost his hat at some point during the journey because he could feel the wind tousle his hair.

It would have been funny if it weren’t for the absolute rush of emotions he had just gone through.

The two of them stood there for what would normally be considered an awkward amount of time, except the act of simply hugging on solid ground was the biggest comfort in the world, too much to ruin the moment. They waited until they got through the worst of their tears before they dared speak again. Once again, Roman went first.

“Sorry for laughing at you back then.” He said, voice reflecting the yelling and crying he'd been doing. It felt genuine. “I actually really like your name...the mythology suits you. Very dramatic.” 

Janus laughed wetly, finally a true statement. “Why, thank you. And I apologize for where I’ve wronged you.”

Finally, they straightened up. Roman took one look at him and summoned hankerchiefs for them both. Janus accepted it and wiped away his tears as gracefully as he could.

“Hopefully we can have a more in-depth discussion on this later, but for now Patton and I prepared lunch, if you’d be willing to have us.” Janus asked, hopes raised.

“...That sounds good.” Roman smiled.

Janus smiled back.

Together, the two of them descended down the steps of the tower, and the imagination was the slightest bit sunnier when they reached the outside.

[sickassastrology]

Who’s crushin on ya!? 😏🥰😍 This is a general pick a pile reading for the collective and your person. It may not resonate for all, so just take what sticks. Feel free to pick just one pile or take a look at them all. but please....be honest with your story. remember that timing is fluid and free will is something we all have. This could have already happened, your going through it, or will happen. Follow your heart always. -E 🌻💙

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PILE 1 ⭐️⭐️⭐️

So pile 1 your person is STUCK on you. This is someone from your past crushin on you. They just cant seem to get you out of their head-its literally making them sick. It’s like they have tried everything to distract themselves. But at the end of the day they are just worried sick, and have to speak whats on their mind. I see two 8s here so that number could be important to you or the connection. This person will be reaching out to you. this person lost you. You walked away from them and continued on with your life. And now that you left them, they are in a state of grief that you aren’t with them anymore. Ohhhhh, I see why you did....they were low vibes, huh? Had additions and didn’t want to come out of them either. Just stuck to their ball and chain. You gave A LOT to this connection. so much so that you were getting drained. I’m seeing a heart monitor, so it was like you were pumping love to this person on life support. And they were taking it. And it helped them, but they didn’t give it back because they didn’t have it. So-you had to leave. im getting that you had NOTHING left. Like even if you tried or wanted to give or have more for this person. they sucked you dry. And this hurt you. I am getting a betrayal energy from this person. They are stalking you too. If you moved on, they are looking at the new person around too. i heard the song “what we could have been“ by H.E.R. I see a guy driving around in his car at night listening to music smoking. So this person is dead in their feelings about you. They are reminiscing a lot about you. Don’t move too fast pile 1 because they are coming back. This person has done some work on themselves while they have been away too. They have been listening to spirit more. You were a divine light to them. you were placed in this persons path to help them with their addictions, help them be a better person. But nope they wanted to stay in the low vibes. like I always say, “and empress will never stay where she isn’t wanted. She will leave-BUT she will always be wanted back. She will always be needed. And this person, pile 1 needs you. i just heard I can’t live without you. So look out because they are coming around the mountain. Good luck. 😉

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PILE 2 🧿🧿🧿

Hi pile 2. Right off....this person wants to come back to you. But right now is a bad time. This person had a third party in the past and because of it, you cut them off. I don’t get the sense that this was a super long relationship. More of the beginning stages of developing into one. But this person was playing the field still. And you were having none of it. Youve been through enough. So you told them like it was, and if they try to come back again. You’ll tell them....again!! 😂 because you stood your ground, they view you as somebody different. I get that this person is used to getting over on people. But not with you so when you turned them away and cut them off. It forced them to make decision. and now their other options, I’m getting multiple people involved. They are done with them now. They have chosen you, and they are looking to come back. But boy oh boy they do have a ways to get there. This person could be at distance from you. I’m getting across water or state so they may travel to get there to you. but they have got to come correct because you are not playing! I get the sense of your not coming off of your throne-you just won’t do it. This group is no nonsense I mean honestly. 😩 your ready. You know your worth, and you are worthy of something good. You will not settle, nooooo not this time. Because youve already been through this. your heart can’t be played with anymore. This person is sad without you. They thought the other options would be better than you. Like oh “ill just go in my back pocket and choose from these”. But none were like you, so because of that....they feel STUPID. they feel so dumb, so sad that when they do come back. they won’t be able to even get a word in because you won’t hear them out. The “others“ are still coming for your person. Talk to them, be with them. But your person is just like no, I dont Want to be bothered, I want my bae back. But hey.....you may or may not be there when they decide to come. like they call you and if you answer then okay but if not, oh well. 😂 this person regrets what they've done. So dumb, so silly. To think....the other options were going to fulfill them. But they were sadly mistaken. pity boy, pity gal. 🥲 this person had options out the buttttt. They were playa playa from the Himalayas. this Person tried to play you, get over on you. And you found out. And said no not me, you WILL NOT do this to me. And they never had anyone do that to them. pile 2 I’m seeing you already know what it feels like to be not considered in a high regard. and You won’t do it again! Like if they want the others...go BYE! and now this person is feeling like they sabotaged this with you. They were living their ego. Somebody who has multiple options like that needs their ego to be fed. Like if the main person they want doesn’t work out or something happens they have backups. They can just go to someone else. Now this person feels like they aren’t enough for YOU! They now lack confidence, they are the jealous ones. They self-sabotaged. So yeah this person will come back with time, but your address may have changed by that time. *I just want to say I’m very proud of this group. A lot of lessons and growth!* best of luck! 😁

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PILE 3 🌸🌸🌸

alrighty pile 3, welcome! So this read will be more intuitive. Ironically enough, this group pulled three cards. So let’s get into it!.....*moment of silence because the energy is rather intense here*. I heard the song “baby come back” by player. I’m feeling this group has moved on from their person tbh. Like it’s just too little, too late for this person. This was somebody you walked away from. There was A LOTTT of love here. but also secrets and fears in this connection. With this person, your energy is coming up as “how could you do this to me-ME. Not in an egotistical way, but because you trusted and loved this person. And they loved you too. So when they did whatever they did to hurt or betray you, it was like how could you. 😩 I’m feeling like you weren’t even mad about it, more disappointed than anything. So after, you started just doing your own thing. Not really concerned with anything or anyone else. Just working on yourself. A reinvention. I’m seeing healthy eating or changing the color of your hair. Wearing sexy clothes (just for yourself) everything you started to do was about self love. And just when you started to move on or found someone new.....HERE THEY COME. like oh wait for me! i gotta be honest with y’all. I don’t feel like this person really cheated on you. I’m getting that maybe you thought they were doing you wrong but they weren’t. or a really bad agruement took place and something was said or done that was very distasteful and you felt betrayed by it. But I’m not getting strong cheating energy. You really thought it was something and it wasn’t and this person tried to explain and it went from there. (Downhill that is) there is so much sadness here. You really though this was going to work out and it didn’t. There has been some time that has passed here. This person didn’t know how to come back. no idea on what to say or do about the situation. But they daydream about it 24/7. They think about being intimate again and how it was like with you (if y’all were). this person wants to play something romantic. I’m seeing a dinner with candles a few drinks. Trying to take it back to the good times. But it took too long for this person. and now this person sees you with someone new And they can’t help but wonder...what if I would have gotten back in time. What if things would have worked out? This person does want to come back without a doubt! But will they? I’m not too sure, because it looks like you have someone else now. *PLOT TWIST*!!!! Pile 3 let me ask you this, do you love this new person like your old flame? I think NOT. You like this new person and everything, but your heart is with the person you broke up with. The new person is diggin you and likes you a lot. But there’s something thats just not hittin the same anymore. And your old person didn’t forget about you either. *i pulled extra cards for this group because I’m really feeling like this just may come back together. I’m getting that vibe heavy. For the outcome. I don’t see y’all coming back together ASAP because theres a decision that needs to be made and you don’t want to choose .your just kinda there. This connection right here is a divine pair. With the lovers and emperor here. But there’s still work that needs to be done by both parties and a conclusion by you. So you will be separated until then. I’m telling y’all...if you choose this person. Do not be surprised if this person gives you a ring. This person may right music or be into the arts. They may give you a gift that comes from their heart. a song. I heard melody. they could play an instrument or that was something you two had In common. The thought you of keeps this person sane while you aren’t with them. The thought of being with you again keeps them together. Like when they a bad day or something. Because you aren’t there physically, them daydreaming keeps them motivated. Pile 3, intuitively I gotta say it. I know y’all gotta make a decision and everything but this is going to work out. Idk when because time is fluid but it’s going to come back together. I’m telling y’all

now. its Going to take patience but in time it will. This connection is strong, y’all love each other too much. This person loves you. And they want to restore this! Like I said, this new person...your not fooling me! Yeah you like them, but that heart of yours didnt go anywhere. I’m going to say for this pile, your going to have to make the first moves because they feel like your done with them. They feel like there’s nothing they can do or say to get you back. WOW, you all have to let me know how this plays out because it will work out! I almost want to cry. can I get an invite to the wedding with a +1 please!?

[thewadapan]

in the grim darkness of the far future there is only cred

(This is a complete archive of the @Ask_Triton Twitter account created for April Fools’ Day 2020, based on my previous comics “PASS” and “The Beast Within (My Pants)”. A behind-the-scenes commentary is included at the end of the post.)

triton ebooks

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April 1, 2020

autobot code sparknotes

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April 1, 2020

wikihow cred acquisition

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April 1, 2020

toyhax insignia stickerfixer

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April 1, 2020

wait *hit i thought this was google

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 1, 2020

hi. my names triton. and the great war was the best thing to ever happen to me

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 1, 2020

rodimus finally convinced springer to let me join the rockers. rock and roll

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 1, 2020

springer is giving each of us a special nickname. were supposed to call him springax 219.31 alpha. apparently im now tritus 717.25 beta. wonder what he meant by that

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 1, 2020

shut the *uck up road buster

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 1, 2020

roadbuster be quiet challenge

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 1, 2020

triton can have little a cred. as a treat

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 1, 2020

hey whirl do you wanna play im a spy? wait *hit

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 1, 2020

if anyone ever finds out im a decepticon im gonna get *ucking shot. thats cancel culture baby

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 1, 2020

no cred? no thanks

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 1, 2020

boy am i glad impactor ate *hit and died. that guy was not *ucking around

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 1, 2020

YEAH uh huh YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS green and yellow green and yellow green and yellow green and yellow

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 1, 2020

no whirl this is not a poncho you *ucking cyclops

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 1, 2020

starting to think the special rockers assignment springer gave me and whirl was just a clever ruse to get rid of us. like theres no way all of the empties we just shot were decepticon moles

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 1, 2020

when you triton your best but you don't succeed

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 1, 2020

whirl no offense but theres absolutely no way im hitching a ride with you back to autobase. no its not because my arms are too weak to hang onto your landing skids for that long. no see this is your problem youre just *ucking annoying end of story

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 1, 2020

got that sinking feeling again lads. wait no i just forgot to transform before jumping into the sea

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 1, 2020

sky of blue im a green / and a yellow submarine

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 1, 2020

10,000 hics under the sea

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 1, 2020

sometimes underwater. always undercover

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 1, 2020

yeah springer can drive and he can fly but he sure can't bob around the sewers like a piece of *hit can he

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 1, 2020

felt cred might delete later picture cred: @ikkadkarf pic.twitter.com/cQKer3asaW

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 2, 2020

ultra magnus just held a door open for me. his magnusnimity knows no bounds

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 3, 2020

if you think you know where im going with this tweet your wrong but what you were thinking of is probably more good

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 3, 2020

3000 kilograms? yeah thats me. triton

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 3, 2020

you wear a mouthplate just to hide your face and you wear it because you think your cooler than me

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 3, 2020

met scattorshot in the hallway. he was like "i never heard of an autobot who was a submarine" and i said "im not" and he said "what" and i said "a submarine". clutch save

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 3, 2020

springer just got back from patrol and says hes finally killed all the decepticons. good thing he doesnt remember that time we got absolutely spannered at maccadams and i got up on a table and start shouting im a decepticon

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 3, 2020

yeah weve all heard of the last autobot but what about the last decepticon. just something to think about

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 3, 2020

actually this reminds me of a funny story about how the word spannered came about. it all started when straxus decided he wanted to cross this body of water. i said id carry him but he just gave me this weird look and said he had a better idea

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 3, 2020

thinking of getting a massive flame painted on my chest. just kidding who do you think i am clodimus prime

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 3, 2020

not MY prime

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 3, 2020

stop talking about me behind my back. im not talking to anyone in particular. dreadwind

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 4, 2020

yeah im going through a bit of a phase right now. phase six

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 4, 2020

its hard being a double agent. its hard and nobody understands

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 4, 2020

sometimes i wish i was a car robot

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 4, 2020

just got tackled by sandstorm. had to scream at him to get him to move his rotor away from my throat. thought it was a funny hat not a deadly weapon. most terrifying experience of my life aside from when computron stepped on me

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 4, 2020

im horny

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 4, 2020

bots with no rights: horny people and decepticons. lucky for me two no rights makes a right

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 4, 2020

i have discovered the secret of combiner technology. step one. stand up straight with your shoulders back

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 4, 2020

why wont afterburner combine with me

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 4, 2020

springer is *ucking ugly. who even paints themselves green and yellow. piss off

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 5, 2020

im like dropping hints that im a double agent

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 5, 2020

TR-8N

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 5, 2020

inside you there are two faction symbols. one is an autobot the other is a decepticon. you are triton

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 5, 2020

not faction-swapper! dont like that term. freelance double agent. for certain social remuneration of course

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 5, 2020

hnng megatron im trying to sneak around but the clank of my *ss cheeks keeps alerting springer

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 5, 2020

you think cred is your ally? i was born in cred. molded by it

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 5, 2020

springer put me in the inhibitor harness again

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 5, 2020

sick of being a loser nobody. wish my life could have an issue 0 where i was actually the man of iron all along

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 5, 2020

it isnt easy being green

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 5, 2020

this planet isnt relevant to my interests anymore

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 5, 2020

better dead than no cred

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 5, 2020

just called roadbuster an idiot. back on top

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 5, 2020

im springers oldest enemy but he hates roadbuster more

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 5, 2020

Yo waspinator, is everything allrignt??

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 5, 2020

its like people dont even remember my name

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 5, 2020

sometimes its hard to reconcile the continuity error of my life with the established canon of me being a huge *ucking ledge

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 5, 2020

im the first in a new generation of transformers. introducing the credacons

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 6, 2020

tritons in disguise

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 6, 2020

more ton meets the tri

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 6, 2020

if i hit broadside on the back of the neck hard enough either hell turn back into a boat or just *ucking die. either way i win

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 6, 2020

join the TCC today. Triton's Cred Club

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 6, 2020

got cred?

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 6, 2020

just found out about the beast. damn that *hit sucks

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 6, 2020

if i was there with the beast i wouldve stopped it. rip to megatron but im different

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 6, 2020

lol i remember telling megatron i wouldnt go native but look at me now not a single capital letter in sight

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 6, 2020

pictured: me and the other great decepticon leaders beat the *hit out of rodimus prime pic.twitter.com/6ShZrPgV8l

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 6, 2020

for *ucks sake lightspeed stop trying to correct my grammar you mechanical throwback. i know how to use *ucking apostrophe's

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 7, 2020

mucho cred

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 7, 2020

mucho mucho man

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 7, 2020

nosecone keeps asking me to follow his account. at drill or something. what a plonker

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 7, 2020

desperately trying to think of a funny joke to make ultra magnus and the rest of the gang laugh

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 7, 2020

Leader Class Triton With Triton Master Triton

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 7, 2020

excuse me roadbuster who said youre allowed to laugh at my jokes

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 7, 2020

hate how i always have to be triton. sometimes i want to be tritoff

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 7, 2020

topspin and twin twist should legally change their names to blue and white. wait *hit theyre both blue and white *uck *hit i didnt think this through

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 7, 2020

richard starkings stop sending me to voicemail

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 7, 2020

i am triton. the last living decepticon and incognito espionage specialist amongst the autobots. ask me anything

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 8, 2020

Anything?

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 8, 2020

pass

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 8, 2020

hey nosecone ive got a favour to ask. so ive been thinking of getting an upgrade lately. basically what i want is to be able to fly away from this place by means of large quantities of gas expelled at high velocity from my rear. now allow me to explain how you fit into all this https://t.co/Mt9ELmLNLU

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 8, 2020

we get it. you strafe

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 8, 2020

had the nightmare again. the one where springer figures out im a decepticon. i try to use the waterways as an escape route but when i get there broadsides fat *ss is blocking the estuary pic.twitter.com/XMZbkZsYs0

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 9, 2020

squad goals pic.twitter.com/PkI92HCHCn

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 9, 2020

in my dreams im always fighting my new friends. everyones super ripped. oh and impactor is there for no reason pic.twitter.com/Uzl9asiZCY

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 9, 2020

when im staring down the barrel of the gun im *hitting myself and i always thought that was stupid because if you die in the dream then you dont die in real life you just wake up. but now im wondering if thats what im afraid of. having to go back to pretending pic.twitter.com/fEZbfu81nf

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 9, 2020

primus forgive me but its time to go back to the old me pic.twitter.com/hh1vXZO5WS

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 9, 2020

Triton: A Transformers Story

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 10, 2020

few can remember how the war started. fewer still can now make the distinction between good and evil. but everyone will remember this particular day. because this is the day the war ended

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 10, 2020

are you tired of being nice. dont you just want to go *hit

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 10, 2020

all I wanna do is BANG BANG BANG BANG and a *transformation noises* and BRAAAAP

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 10, 2020

first you fard. then you *hid. then

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 10, 2020

cybertronian vandal

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 10, 2020

uh oh! stinky!

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 10, 2020

just saw blurr speedwalking to rodimus primes office at mach 2

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 10, 2020

you are about to enter the courtroom of judge rodimus prime. the bots are real. the cases are real. the rulings are final. this is judge roddy

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 10, 2020

Autobot Leader Gives Road Buster 11,453 Stern Looks

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 10, 2020

first one to talk gets to stay on my planet

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 10, 2020

getting flashbacks to that time unicron attacked. he picked me up between his fingers and vored me. i barely escaped with my cred

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 10, 2020

not on your life. its a fake. total fiction. it didnt happen. not fact. im innocent

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 10, 2020

it could be you. it could be me. it could eVEN BE

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 10, 2020

GHAA!

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 10, 2020

my Rash Action has led to a Fatal Consequence

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 10, 2020

i used to think that my life was a tragic. but now i realise. its a comic

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 10, 2020

now i understand. he who smelt it dealt it. i have been a smelting fool

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 10, 2020

ultra magnus i dont feel so good

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 10, 2020

dont reveal the shield. i said dont

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 10, 2020

the decepticon high command on cybertron have judged this account to be anti-decepticon and the firecons have been despatched to Earth to incinerate all copies. in order to thwart the firecons make sure you fill out your credit card details below

— Ask_Triton (@Ask_Triton)

April 10, 2020

Notes

The Ask Triton tagline, “in the grim darkness of the far future there is only cred”, is the tagline of Warhammer 40,000 except it replaces the word “war” with “cred”.

I’ve got no idea when I started working on this project, except that it was many months ago. I opened a note on my phone and wrote the words “triton ebooks”, and thereafter whenever I thought of a Funny Joke™ I’d crack that bad boy open and slap it in there. I wasn’t entirely sure when or how I’d ever release the material; I could copy my direct inspiration for the account, @prowl_ebooks (and its own ancestor, @Horse_ebooks), by making a bot that’d periodically post a random tweet, but felt like there was some degree of serialisation in what I was writing. Despite the content of its tweets frequently being utterly absurd, and completely at odds with its source material, the genius of prowl_ebooks is that it manages to paint a picture that somehow feels like an accurate reflection of IDW Prowl’s canon self. Seriously, I’ve seen many of the tweets this bot pumps out countless times, and they still crack me up. I knew I wouldn’t be able to live up to that, but I had other tricks up my sleeves.

The Autobot Code originated in Simon Furman’s comics for Marvel UK and featured more prominently in James Roberts’ stories for IDW Publishing, where it was presented as a laborious tome of rules. SparkNotes, meanwhile, is a well-known site hosting CliffsNotes-like study guides used by students primarily to avoid having to read assigned literature in full.

wikiHow is an infamous encyclopedia devoted to tutorials, which often feature illustrations using a distinct style and deliver questionable advice.

Toyhax is the company that produces “Reprolabels”, effectively stickers for Transformers figures designed to replace vintage labels or to enhance newer figures (though I personally find the results to be pretty questionable). At one point they sold a product called a “Stickerfixer”, which I think was basically just a pen of glue? Anyway, Triton presumably wants one to (re)apply his fake Autobot insignia.

Google is a popular search engine for the world wide web. Its inclusion on the account was last-minute, and I was uncertain that Triton would actually have any understanding of what Google was, but figured if he was already using Twitter I could stand to show exactly how far I was planning to stretch disbelief from the outset, and that it’d work to explicitly tie together the intent behind the opening salvo of tweets.

Though I couldn’t be bothered tracking down an exact quote, “hi. my names triton. and the great war was the best thing to ever happen to me” was a reference to narration from Netflix’s Daybreak zombie-apocalypse series. I wrote a single paragraph about that series, specifically focused on that line, in an article which probably requires far more context than I’m able to give here. Of course, the general phrasing there is a common enough trope that this probably serves as a reference to any number of things. The halting style of dialogue used in Ask Triton, where full stops are the only form of punctuation, was a product of necessity, but it’s significantly at odds with the run-on-sentences used in the original comic. By my count, this is the fourth piece of media set in the “PASS” universe, but there’s no singular consistent presentation of that canon; every time I’ve revisited it, I’ve extrapolated and reinterpreted aspects of what has come before in ways which simply don’t match the original intent of the work. It’s kinda like the Star Wars expanded universe, where throwaway beats of the source material spin out into entire stories, ones that obviously don’t match the intent of what those beats were implying in the first place.

The Wreckers’ catchphrase is “wreck and rule”. I can’t find the exact tweet, but somebody recently realised that it’s supposed to be a play on “rock and roll”, which blew the minds of me and a whole bunch of other people. Hence, “the rockers”.

Ask Vector Prime explored the concept of “universal streams”, categorised by the multiverse-observing TransTechs using arcane identifiers. Springer’s nicknames are plays on these, substituting “Primax” for “Springax” and “Malgus”/”Iocus” for “Tritus” and encoding the dates 25/07/2017 (the original release date for “PASS” on Summer Meme Sundae) and 31/02/2019 (the date of its rerelease here) as 717.25 and 219.31. Springer uses the last part of the identifier, a Greek letter, to label himself as an “alpha” and Triton as a “beta”.

I’m not sure where it originated, but “x be quiet challenge” is a phrase which people sometimes use on Twitter when they effectively want someone to stop posting for once. I think I was probably introduced to the phrase when someone addressed it to Makin, then-owner of the Homestuck Discord server? Suffice to say, that probably informed its usage against Roadbuster.

“Cats Can Have Little a Salami [...] as a treat” was a Google preview of the article “Can My Cat Eat Salami?”, which became a snowclone on Discord and Twitter.

“I spy” is a famous guessing game where someone picks an object they can see and answers yes/no questions about it until another person is able to identify it. I have not played this game in a very long time.

“Cancel Culture” is a phrase used unironically mostly by assholes, in reference to the practice of “cancelling” problematic individuals in the court of public opinion on social media. I wish somebody had cancelled Triton.

For the life of me I cannot discern what “no cred? no thanks” is a specific reference to - there are probably many words you can substitute “cred” for in order to obtain an existing joke.

The phrase “eat shit and die” is one I enjoy using way too much, mostly in contexts where it’s absolutely unwarranted. What’s that? Someone said hi to me in the street and I didn’t say hi back in time? Well, guess I’ll eat shit and die then.

“YEAH uh huh YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS green and yellow green and yellow green and yellow green and yellow” is just Wiz Khalifa’s “Black And Yellow” only with green instead of black. Somehow I mostly associate this song with its usage in The Lego Batman Movie.

A poncho is a loose bit of fabric worn over the torso. Speaking of Lego, I was probably thinking of the poncho worn by this Mariachi minifigure, which resembles the triangular shape of Triton’s armour more closely than an actual real-world poncho. A cyclops is a one-eyed giant from Greek myth. Look, I know I don’t need to tell you all these things, but I wanted to really drive home just how pointless this venture is.

The “special rockers assignment” was a last-minute addition to the account; the tweets were posted in a completely different order to the one I’d written them in, with many thematically-related tweets collected into threads, and I needed a way to tie together several of the early ones into a clear narrative throughline. The Empties are fuel-starved unaligned Cybertronians from the Marvel comics. I considered having Springer’s ruse claim that they were all Robosmashed, but figured the cartoon reference was kind of at odds with the canon’s source material, and that it’s somehow funnier if Triton legitimately believes all of these robots are incognito like he is for just long enough to murder them all.

I think the goof of Triton substituting his name for vaguely-similar-sounding words references a habit developed by Chang in Community. “When you try your best but you don’t succeed” is the much-memed opening line to Coldplay’s “Fix You”. When I went to get that link, I realised that I do actually quite unironically like that song. Could it be wooorse...

Again, I wanted to make explicit that Triton was returning to Autobase, where the rest of the story would unfold, so Triton refuses Whirl’s help and uses his submarine mode to return home.

Triton’s alt-mode was suggested to be a submarine by Dreadwind in the letters’ pages of the Marvel UK comic. Triton reacts to this piece of Word of God in a later tweet.

“sky of blue im a green / and a yellow submarine” is a rewrite of the lyric “sky of blue sea of green / in our yellow submarine”, from The Beatles’ famous song “Yellow Submarine”.

I substituted the Cybertronian unit of length “hics” (roughly kilometers) into the title of Jules Vernes’ story 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, which I only now realise took place 20,000 leagues under the sea, and not 10,000. Perhaps if it wasn’t for my crippling fear of sea monsters, I would be better acquainted with this story. Wait, shit, I told myself I was going to break my crippling tendency to mention my crippling fear of sea monsters!

A common simile used in Homestuck is “like a piece of shit”, hence its inclusion.

The profile picture of the account was cropped from a piece of artwork drawn by my friend Ikkad, who also created the artwork that inspired/was-inspired-by my short story Dendrochronology. He posted it in the TFWiki Discord server on 07/03/2020, and it immediately galvanised me to prepare to launch Ask Triton, but the subsequent mass outbreak of Coronavirus led me to decide to delay the launch until April Fools’ Day. I coloured Ikkad’s lineart using colours taken directly from the scans of the comic, which didn’t result in a perfect match to how it looks in print but is close enough. At Ikkad’s suggestion, I replaced my first attempt using flat shading with a softer paint-like style that better matched the tone of the original comic. For the profile picture, I flipped the image so Triton faces the text of the tweets; I used a version with a blue background (flipped again to accommodate a status indicator) on Discord as a way of promoting the account. I’ve yet to decide whether I want to keep it on a more permanent basis. “felt cute might delete later” (the exact wording varies but I like this one best) is a snowclone usually posted alongside terrible selfies, or alongside bad pictures of fictional characters. Naturally, the tweet including the full artwork wasn’t planned in advance.

Substituting Ultra Magnus’ name into “magnanimity” is another terrible Chang-esque name pun. Ultra Magnus’ old AtoZ profile describes him using the phrase “top-notch geezer”, which was prominently used in a sketch show made by a friend of mine.

The line “if you think you know where im going with this tweet your wrong but what you were thinking of is probably more good” is a rewrite of the final narration box from “PASS”, which reads “believe me if you think you know where im going with this your wrong but what you were thinking of is probably better”. The joke is that you expect the tweet to end with “better”, and not “more good”, except I’m sure literally nobody who saw it remembered the narration box, because why would they? See, the thing about Ask Triton - arguably the crux of the whole thing - is that it exists in a fictional world where "PASS” and its related materials form the whole basis of an entire fandom, one which presumably documents its deep lore in the same exacting detail as we do, and for which the account’s jokes are actually funny.

A “ton” is a unit of weight which varies somewhat but can be basically used as a shorthand for 1,000 kilograms. Hence a “triton” is 3,000 kg. I am very smort.

“you wear a mouthplate just to hide your face and you wear it because you think your cooler than me“ is a minor rewrite of the lines “You got designer shades / Just to hide your face / And you wear them around like you're cooler than me” from Mike Posner’s “Cooler Than Me”. As you can tell, I mixed up the words slightly, moving “wear” forward and using bits of the line “And it's probably 'cause you think you're cooler than me.” from later in the verse. On the one hand, this goes to show that I should’ve done more research (indeed, there were a fair few other misquote flubs like this which I did correct in time for publication), but at the same time for crying out loud why is this paragraph not over yet.

Triton’s implied to be afraid of Scattorshot, whose AtoZ profile described him as the kind of person that says hi by sneaking up behind you and putting you in a headlock - if you’re thinking that’s a little specific, yes, I have had not one, but two friends like this. The word “clutch” is used by Gamers when they pull off something precise; a “clutch save” is usually a difficult last-second move made to win a game.

Maccadam’s Old Oil House, or just Maccadam’s, is the name of a bar on Cybertron which first appeared in Furman’s “Target: 2006″ Marvel UK comic storyline, which introduced the Wreckers. It’s risen to prominence in the 2000s, appearing in multiple stories, with Maccadam himself recently being explicitly revealed to be one of the legendary “thirteen original Transformers”. The tweet which mentions it was sort of a spur-of-the-moment thing I wrote to better set up the one which follows it in the thread.

“The Last Autobot” is another some-time member of the Thirteen, introduced by Furman towards the back end of his Marvel run. The phrase “the last Decepticon” crops up multiple times in the original text of “Peace”. The phrase “just something to think about” comes from SCP-2293, which I know entirely due to the fact that my friend jenny in the TFWiki Discord quotes it incessantly. She was the one who asked me to make this commentary, which absolves me of responsibility entirely, because I totally wasn’t already planning on writing it. The form of this very commentary is inspired by her annotations for Ask Vector Prime and TFWiki’s notes sections, which I think plays nicely into the idea of an alternate universe where “PASS” is an official piece of source material and Ask Triton is funny. I also like being able to mix these kinds of thematic tangents into banal observations about bad memes with wild abandon.

Again on a whim, I chose to make explicit the inspiration behind my use of the word “spannered”, an oblique reference to the US comic “The Bridge to Nowhere!”, which revealed that Decepticon Lord High Governor Straxus’ new space bridge was in fact constructed using the still-living body of the unaligned scientist Spanner. This was probably the closest the account ever got to genuine stream-of-consciousness.

Rodimus Prime expresses some level of indecision over his paint job in PASS, which Triton mocks by pretending he’s considering getting a flame painted on his chest. There’s a line in Rodimus Prime’s AtoZ profile which is interesting in light of what we learn in “The Beast Within (My Pants)”, where he’s described as “the oldest AUTOBOT”. I guess he’s the oldest in terms of age, but Optimus Prime’s the real leader? Weird.

#NotMyPresident was a hashtag that got circulated on social media following the 2016 election of Donald Trump. Wow, I regret this sentence. Wow, I regret this project.

Speaking of problematic jokes, the line “yeah im going through a bit of a phase right now” refers to “It’s not a phase mom”, a phrase used to mock kids making life choices perceived as questionable. It’s combined with a reference to Furman’s six-phase “infiltration protocol” from his IDW comics; Phase Six sees the complete annihilation of whatever planet the Decepticons are sneaking around on.

“its hard / being a kid and growwing up / its hard and nobody understands” is a line from Homestuck spoken by Eridan to Kanaya, which gets called back to multiple times later in the comic. This is another case of me misremembering a quote, as I forgot the “and growing up” part. I previously namedropped Eridan in the commentary for “The Beast Within (My Pants)” as the inspiration for my version of Skids, but I think it’s safe to say that he informed my versions of Triton and Grimlock to some subconscious extent.

Car Robots was the Japanese name for the 2001 series Robots in Disguise. The phrase “car robots” itself was used in the opening narration for “PASS”, hence its inclusion.

Triton describes Sandstorm’s propeller as a “funny hat”, in reference to propeller hats. Sandstorm’s characterisation in his AtoZ bio was a play on his The Punisher-like murder spree in IDW’s comics. The incident Triton recalls about getting stepped on by Computron is phrased in reference to this I-guess-meme (the lines between sincerity and insincerity increasingly blurrr) where people say they want their crush to “step on” them. The crude mapping between combiners and relationships began in “The Beast Within (My Pants)”, which slotted surprisingly well into the “restraining order” gag from Computeron’s AtoZ bio (written to make up the numbers for a neat grid of sixteen), and I flipflop between thinking it’s the funniest shit or just thinking it’s legitimately fucking awful, but canon is canon.

Sadly, this theme doesn’t stop there. “im horny” is a terrible innuendo referring to Triton’s horned helmet.

Triton tortures the “two wrongs make a right” fallacy by mixing it with the common refrain “horny people have no rights” (which perhaps originated in this tweet but for fuck’s sake I’m not wasting any more time looking this up).

This continues when Triton claims to have “discovered the secret of combiner technology”, which is a phrase that seems to crop up in various places in 21st-century Transformers comics. It turns out that Triton’s solution is the first of Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life, “Stand up straight with your shoulders back” (ugh, thanks, Spotify Discover Weekly). Jordan Peterson’s this asshole with a rabid following of straight white guys; my impression is that he uses a lot of overwrought pseudoscience to justify his ideology, but I personally think his twelve rules are actually pretty solid, which seems to be a perfect example of wrong-working-right-answer.

Afterburner’s AtoZ profile written as backmatter to “PASS” described him as “Cybertron’s bicycle”; Triton wonders why he refuses to combine with him and god this is fucking stupid.

“I’m like dropping hints that I’m single / I’m single” is a pair of screenshots from one of Kim Kardashian’s shows, which frequently see the word “single” substituted for various other things.

“TR-8R” was a nickname given to a Stormtrooper that appeared in Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, famous for his funny weapon and his loud accusation that one of the protagonists, Finn, is a “traitor!”

“Inside You There Are Two Wolves / One Is Gay / The Other Is Gay / You Are Gay” (the exact wording and concepts used vary) is a snowclone most commonly associated with various images of a black wolf and a white wolf.

“Not bounty-hunter, yes? Don’t like that term, understand? Freelance peacekeeping agent, yes? For certain financial remuneration, of course” is dialogue spoken by Simon Furman’s character Death’s Head in his sort-of-debut appearance in issue #113 of the Marvel UK comics.

“Hrrrrnnggh Colonel, I’m trying to sneak around but I’m dummy thicc and the clap from my ass cheeks keeps alerting the guards” was a tweet written from the perspective of Metal Gear character Solid Snake which turned into a snowclone and got so big that the actual voice actor for the character did a dramatic reading of it.

“Oh, you think darkness is your ally. You merely adopted the dark. I was born in it, moulded by it” is famous dialogue from Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight Rises.

The “inhibitor harness” is a piece of technology namedropped in Nick Roche’s Last Stand of the Wreckers, used to restrain Triton and the rest of Squadron X. It was itself a reference to the inhibitor claw and inhibitor band from Furman’s Marvel UK comics; I chose “harness” both because of its explicit connection to Triton and because it’s a funnier word.

In Simon Furman’s Transformers ‘84 issue #0, a prequel to the Marvel comics, he made a number of retcons, one of which revealed the identity of iconic Marvel UK character “the man of iron” to really have been the character Fastlane, who wasn’t conceptualised until 1987.

“It’s not easy being green” is a famous song sung by Kermit the Frog.

“This chat isn't relevant to my interests any more.” is the rare quote used in Ask Triton which comes from a completely arcane source, being the punchline to an anecdote someone told in the Worth the Candle Discord server. The channel where it was told is currently archived and inaccessible, but it centered around somebody leaving a group chat of friends in spectacular fashion, something I thought was apt considering the events of “PASS”. Anyway, I guess this is my excuse to tell you to go read Worth the Candle, as is obligatory of me.

“Back on top” is the punchline to a series of Limmy’s Show sketches.

One of the handful of replies received by Ask Triton over the course of its run simply read “Yo waspinator, is everything allrignt??” Suffice to say I was pretty baffled by this, as I’ve legitimately got no idea at what point my own profile picture got presented to that person, or whether they just genuinely mistook Triton for him.

The Maximals and Predacons of Beast Wars have occasionally been described as a “new generation” of Transformers, though I didn’t track down any kind of exact quote.

Robots in Disguise and More than Meets the Eye were the two famous ongoings launched by IDW Publishing in 2012, written by John Barber and James Roberts respectively.

One minor plot beat in More than Meets the Eye revolved around the notion that if you hit a Cybertronian in a certain spot, they’ll transform involuntarily. Broadside was noted in his “PASS” AtoZ profile to have transformed very rarely, causing great inconvenience in the process.

“TCC” is an acronym for “Transformers Collectors’ Club”, a fan club run by Fun Publications from 2005-2016, the logo for which was frequently placed on Transformers packaging.

“Just found out about racism...damn that shit sucks...” was a Tweet that turned into a snowclone.

The same goes for “if i was at chernobyl i wouldv stopped it / rip to ur gradma but im different”.

The Decepticons (and Roadbuster (hmm)) all speak with proper punctuation and capital letters; a minor retcon implies that Triton used to speak this way but lost his “accent” over time.

The image of the Decepticons surrounding Highbrow and Rodimus Prime is Dan Reed and John Burns’ inside cover artwork for the 1989 Annual which included Peace; the characters in the image are drawn from that book’s comic strips. I like the way Triton implies that frikkin’ Apeface, Snapdragon and Mindwipe are “great Decepticon leaders”.

Lightspeed's AtoZ bio (like Nosecone’s) is based around an inversion of the Technobots’ typical characterisation as being generally intelligent, claiming “A broken clock is right twice a day. LIGHTSPEED wishes he could be that clock.” This implies that he’s wrong about everything, but I thought it’d be funny if the one time we hear about him doing anything he’s actually right, i.e. he’s right once a day.

As mentioned in the commentary for “PASS”, “mucho cred” is a meme phrase amongst readers of the superhero web serial Worm, which I strongly recommend but not as much as Worth the Candle.

“Macho macho man” is a phrase from “Macho Man” by Village People, which I only now realise actually already included the phrase “mucho” a bunch. I only wrote the tweet referencing it off-the-cuff, thinking the phrase “mucho cred” wasn’t quite funny enough in a vacuum.

At a certain point, I decided I wanted to namedrop every single character that appeared in “PASS”, so in a Man-of-Iron-like twist, noted idiot Nosecone is implied to be behind the famous twitter account @dril.

The line “desperately trying to think of a funny joke to make ultra magnus and the rest of the gang laugh” came to me at some point while I was sitting staring at the note on my phone. In a way, it’s a mission statement for Ask Triton. I don’t think “PASS” was ever written with the metaphor of social media in mind - it was instead a story about pointless tragedy, and of giving up too much in pursuit of some fantasy ideal of social standing. In retrospect, I most strongly see it as a story about... falling out with people, of the disconnect between the things people say and the things people think, and the breaking points where people start saying “actually, I’ve always hated you.” At the same time, however, it’s kinda just a funny joke comic, one that didn’t have a complete clarity of purpose at the point of its creation, so sometimes I wonder if by talking about it in these terms I’m acting against the spirit of the thing. Regardless, Triton is the perfect character for telling a story on social media, as he’s all about facades and the hit of dopamine that comes when someone smashes the mfing cred button.

“Leader Class Triton With Triton Master Triton” is written like the kinds of online solicits we got for Titans Return, where each figure included a “Titan Master”.

I’m not sure this entirely needs explaining, as it’s not really a reference, but the idea of a person being “always on” usually implies that they’re putting on a persona of some kind, most often by trying too hard to make everything they say funny.

The interchangeability of Topspin and Twin Twist formed the basis of their shared AtoZ profile. Seriously, the name “Topspin” is so dumb, he’s not a frikkin’ helicopter!

Richard Starkings wrote “Peace” under the pseudonym “Richard Alan”. He’s most famous for founding Comicraft, the first major computer-lettering company. I have not attempted to contact Richard Starkings in any capacity. Please do not tell him I exist.

I knew going into Ask Triton that it needed something else going for it, as it was both derivative of prowl_ebooks and less funny than it, and so drew inspiration from the one bit of official Transformers fiction to significantly use social media: namely, Ask Vector Prime. I predicted that I wouldn’t get much in the way of interaction, because I never do, but figured I could pitch Ask Triton directly down the middle and lean more towards “roleplay ask blog” or “shitpost bot”, depending on which way the wind blew. My friend gearshift observed towards the end of its run that “if it was meant to involve external engagement like AVP like the name suggests rather than just being something fun to look at, the format of him rattling off to himself 99% of the time makes it a little difficult to know where to step in and interact”, which I think was spot on. As one last-ditch attempt to solicit interaction before heading into the story’s finale, Triton reintroduces himself by saying “ask me anything” in a way that’s probably most famous nowadays via the r/IAmA subreddit. I took quiet pleasure in drawing a comparison between those threads and Ask Vector Prime.

Sure enough, only one question came in, simply asking “Anything?”. This was brushed off with the reply “pass”, in reference to the title of the comic, a goof that became even funnier to me as it became clear that no more questions were incoming.

To my surprise, gearshift sent me something that completely blew me away - a digibash of Earthrise Blast Master as Triton. To hear her tell it, she’d just picked out a recent figure that was “adjacent” to a submarine, but I immediately drew more connections that formed the basis of the eventual tweet. She sent me four different variations on the colour scheme: one “perfect” deco to match Triton’s colours in the comics, two different decos that’d require about the level of paint complexity of Siege Rung (above average for a retail toy), and finally one deco that seemed realistic for what could be achieved on a retail budget. We agreed that the last one was the best, but I bumped the saturation waaay up on it to better match the inks used in the comic (the digital scans don’t do it justice, the printing in the annual is stupidly saturated).

“We get it, you vape” (perhaps more commonly “We get it, you smoke weed”) is a snowclone posted alongside images containing smoke of any kind. It mostly serves to mock people who are perceived to have no character traits beyond vaping (for an astonishing examination of this archetype, check out the ongoing serial masterpiece Chili and the Chocolate Factory: Fudge Revelation). Strafe’s AtoZ profile states that his only character trait is loudly broadcasting the fact that he can fly.

Again in reference to his AtoZ profile, Broadside ends up blocking a route. (In response to the tweet in question, one of my friends who goes by the name Broadside remarked “i do indeed have a”, which made me laugh.) The thread continuing from that tweet was written when I realised I had an opportunity to drill down a little deeper into Triton’s character, and to incorporate the handful of pieces of official art depicting him; the first is Andrew Griffith’s cover to Sins of the Wreckers #2, while the rest are Nick Roche illustrations inked by Griffith. All of these pieces are coloured by Josh Burcham, lending them a nice consistent tone for the dream sequence.

“Squad goals” is a phrase posted alongside images of people that the poster’s group aspires towards. By posting it alongside an image of Squadron X, Triton expresses that he wishes his current friends were more like his old ones.

“You die in the dream/game, you die in real life” is a conceit used across countless stories by this point. The word “pretending” was chosen as an oblique reference to Pretender technology; Triton isn’t a Pretender, but hey ho, I just thought it fit.

“Lord Forgive Me But It’s Time To Go Back To Tha Old Me” is a snowclone mostly posted alongside edgy pictures of cartoon characters. Triton’s referring to his time as a Decepticon, but the accompanying image shows him as a corpse, bluntly foreshadowing his death. Evidently, this thread landed; a friend of mine remarked “Jesus wads that bit about dreams was grim / Poor Triton :(”

I could’ve sworn that Bumblebee was referred to as Bumblebee: A Transformers Story at some point, but I’m probably just mixing it up with the likes of Solo: A Star Wars Story. EDIT: Locoman informs me that the movie was at one point called Transformers Universe: Bumblebee, which is definitely what I was thinking of.

Narration from “Peace” was added last-minute practically verbatim purely as a way of making up the numbers: “few can remember how the war started. fewer still can now make the distinction between good and evil. but everyone will remember this particular day. because this is the day the war ended“. I could probably have changed this into a joke but I figured the melodrama that comes with taking it into this context was enough of a joke as it was. Sue me. (Richard Starkings, please don’t sue me.)

“Are you tired of being Nice? Don’t you just want to go ape shitt” is a famous Yahoo! Answers post. Naturally, Triton’s most interested in the very last part of that sentence. This was another last-minute addition.

“All I wanna do is-*BANG BANG BANG BANG*-and a-*cash register noises*-and take your money” is the chorus line from M.I.A.’s “Paper Planes”. “Brap” is onomatopoeia for a fart, used in shitposts.

I refuse to explain what shidding and farding is. Fuck you. God, this was in such poor fucking taste. What the hell was I thinking.

The second season of American Vandal centered around somebody putting a powerful laxative in a school cafeteria’s lemonade. I actually genuinely recommend this show, it’s got a lot going on.

As proof that I was legitimately getting tired of the poop jokes, the phrase “uh oh! stinky!” was used, referring to this one gross-ass video making fun of the style of humour.

Blurr’s AtoZ profile was the hardest to write, because he’s got a couple of lines in “PASS” (hence I couldn’t invent characterisation whole-cloth) but doesn’t have anything in the way of personality beyond his use of the word “ayy”. In retrospect, I guess his characterisation ended up being based on Gamzee from Homestuck, this creepy stoner. History repeated itself when it came to writing Ask Triton, as I realised I’d namedropped every character except Strafe and him. I was barely able to sneak him in under the wire; I considered having some Shattered Glass-style joke about him being really slow, but ended up deciding that the phrase “speedwalking [...] at mach 2″ (twice the speed of sound) was funny enough to carry a tweet.

The introduction to reality TV show Judge Judy goes “You are about to enter the courtroom of Judge Judith Sheindlin. The people are real. The cases are real. The rulings are final. This is Judge Judy.” Its inclusion was an oblique nod to another time I’ve used it, in a Transformers non-fiction work which might see release soonish, but this is definitely one of the weakest jokes on the account, written for the sake of numbersNUMBERS.

The video which introduced me to YouTube comedian Gus Johnson was titled “Man Gives His Cat 11,453 Stern Looks”. Another late reference which I found by going into my playlist of random videos to use in community streams.

Having forgotten I’d already referenced the movie, “First one to talk gets to stay on my aircraft” is a line from the infamous opening scene to The Dark Knight Rises. I made a comic adaptation of that scene using Marvel’s terrible Create Your Own editor, which is kind of an inversion of “PASS” in that it keeps the text of a story but substitutes the visuals. I’d previously used that editor to create the original Spider-Man comic Everything Is Red Now.

I just saw the word “vored” in here, so it looks like I’m going to have to plead the fifth again. Let’s talk about Unicron instead. Unicron is an Orson-Welles voiced character from The Transformers: The Movie, who appears in Worth the Can- WON’T SOMEBODY MAKE ME STOP?

“Not on your life. It’s a fake. Total fiction. It didn’t happen. Not fact. I’m innocent.” is from the Kevin James/Neil Cicierega video “Beyond Believability: FACT or False”, which parodies the Johnathan Frakes reality show Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction.

“It could be you. It could be me. It could EVEN BE-” is an iconic line (but then again, which of these lines aren’t iconic?) from the Team Fortress 2 short “Meet the Spy”. This foreshadows Triton’s imminent death.

“GHAA!” is Triton’s parting word in both “Peace” and “PASS”, a rare bit of text to go completely unchanged in my version.

In the supplementary material for Nick Roche’s Last Stand of the Wreckers, the Rash Action and Fatal Consequence were two different ships aboard which Triton was second-in-command.

“I used to think that my life was a tragedy, but now I realise it’s a comedy” is a line from the infamous movie JOKER, featured prominently in its teaser trailer.

“He who smelt it dealt it” is a textbook response to somebody calling attention to a fart. “The Smelting Pool!” was the Marvel issue, featuring a torture device of the same name, that led into the aforementioned story “The Bridge to Nowhere!” Like “Peace”, it’s a Marvel story prominently known for introducing and killing a comic-only character.

“Mr. Stark, I don’t feel so good” is an iconic line spoken by Peter Parker at the end of Marvel’s Avengers: Infinity War.

Reveal the Shield was a subtitle used for a Transformers toyline back in 2010, which referred to the heat-activated rubsign insignias of the toys (the gimmick being that you supposedly wouldn’t know which side the toy was on until you took it out of the package and got your grubby fingers on it).

The first page of the 1989 Annual begins “The Decepticon high command on Cybertron have judged this Annual to be anti-Decepticon, and the Firecons - Sparkstalker, Cindersaur and Flamefeather - have been despatched to Earth to incinerate all copies. In order to thwart the Firecons and protect your Annual, make sure you fill out the special Autobot citizenship card, below, with your name and address. The Firecons will only dare to attack Annuals if they are sure the owner is not under Autobot protection. This card could save your annual...” This page left quite the impression on me as a child, and (to what I can’t decide is my shame or my pride) I did in fact take a pen and fill out the card in my copy.

Towards the end of this project, I realised that there’s a certain symmetry between Ask Triton and the very origins of “PASS”, in an old meme page I once ran. Effectively nobody followed that page, and it was mostly me shouting into the void; like Ask Triton, many of the posts consisted of things which resembled jokes, where all the individual pieces fit together in some logical (if impenetrable) fashion, but when taken in aggregate none of them were really funny. Like Ask Triton, it turned into an attempt to tell a story using a medium utterly unsuited to storytelling. This time around, I think I succeeded, even if the story being told is one that already existed. Ask Triton consisted of 111 tweets. If I ever finish and release the epilogue for my old meme page, it’ll consist of 111 posts.

“PASS” has made the rounds on Twitter twice now, and each time the response has astonished me. On a pure numbers level, it’s nothing, but the people who share it around seem to derive so much joy from it. I made a handful of print versions for the comic to give out at TFNation 2019, and everyone there seemed to love it, so if TFNation 2020 goes ahead (god, I hope it does) I’ll make sure to print off some more. It’s something that’s torn me in two directions, where I want more people to see it, so they can get something out of it, but I also don’t want to run it into the dirt. As such, this ended up being one of the rare projects of mine nowadays not to receive any prereading (aside from a couple of the conventionally-funniest jokes being sent off to close IRL friends, to their amusement/bemusement), in the hopes that the whole thing would be a pleasant surprise rather than an uncertain slog, and I think that decision paid off.

In the TFWiki server, phrases like “shot on the spot for being a don” crop up frequently, with a handful of emoji cropped from the comic seeing a lot of use. It’s weird to be confronted with your own work so often, especially when that work was something that you threw together in an afternoon back in 2017, before you’d even started interacting properly with online Transformers fandom. At the same time, it’s nice to feel like one of the things I made genuinely mattered to people, at least ones who don’t know me.

If you’ve made it to the end of this notes section, then I’m sorry, but someone with as much cred as you simply cannot be allowed to live. Report to the TFWiki Discord server for your immediate execution.

[sinfullytempting]

Temptations (Greed)

Its your favorite asshole!! Seonghwa!!

Tag list: @chanberrys @needyateez @marooneclipse @a-revolution-teez @choisanzs​ if youve reblogged the master list ill assume youd like to be tagged, you can also be asked to be added!

San (Lust 1) / Yeosang (Gluttony 2) / Seonghwa (Greed 3) / Wooyoung (Envy 4) / Filler Chapter (5)

“Sanggie already saw here and thats not fair!”

Seonghwa twitched as he waited for San to open the door, ignoring Wooyoung’s yelling from the phone as he rose a curious brow, waiting for the boy to open the door. “Wooyoung shut up.” Seonghwa ended the call and shoved his phone in his pocket as he leaned closer and knocked on the door harder. “San!”

San growled lowly, wrapping his arms around your waist tighter as he glared at the door. He pulled away. “Finish cooking, please.” The ‘please’ being tacked on as a last minute addition. San stood up straight before walking towards the door and swinging it open.

“Can i come in?” Seonghwa watched San, gold eyes watching red, not stepping foot inside the room. Seonghwa couldnt come in unless he had San’s permission, or you gave him permission. San’s lip curled as he shook his head. “No you cannot.” Seonghwa make be older but San is stronger. “No you can not~” San smiled widely before he saw you come around the corner. “San who is this? Another one of the sins?”

This male was tall, caramel colored hair, sharp gold eyes (those have to be contacts right?) and a cunning smile once he saw you appear, gold eyes lighting up. “Hello~ May i come in?” You frowned. “Of course why wouldnt you be allowed?” His cunning grin turned into a smirk as he pushed past San, automatically bee lining your way and gently holding your hand, kissing the back of it. “You do smell delightful, Thats wonderful.” You blinked, not expecting the boy to appear as quickly as he did, San quietly closing the door.

“Yes, this here, is Greed.” San came around and pulled you away from Seonghwa’s hands, a nasty look being sent towards Seonghwa as San stood behind you. Seonghwa stood up straight, lips pulled into a polite smile.

“Yes, i am greed but my name is Park Seonghwa. Its a pleasure to meet you Y/n.” His smile was tempting in all the wrong ways, but the way San had a hold of you, an arm wrapped around your waist, tugging you into his side, said he knew what you were thinking. Of course he did thats the first thing he did when you woke up.

“Uh...likewise?” You muttered, a questioning tone. “Uh how did you get here- Wait did you said i smell delightful? Yeosang said the same thing.” Seonghwa’s eyes brightened at the mention of Gluttony’s name. “So youve met Sangie? Ah, indeed, you smell absolutely devine its a shame San got to you first…” A deep rumble next to your chest hold you that San had growled- Wait growled? You fidgeted, noticing the thick tension in the room.

“Uhm...i need to finish cooking…” You squirmed your way from San’s iron hold and escaped into the kitchen.

Taking a deep breath you thought back to the small conversation you had with San. ‘Think hard enough and you can summon him’. You closed your eyes tightly, thinking and imagining the pretty boy infront of you, almost begging for someone sane in the current situation that is happening in your living room.

A familiar presence next to you made you relax, coming face to face with Yeosang. “Oh thank you for showing up.” Yeosang cocked his head to the side, eyes darting to the hallway that led to the two sins. “Sannie...and Hwa are here? Greed and Lust but heads all the time. But you’ve been claimed so it shouldnt be this bad.”

Yeosang glanced at the kitchen then to you. “...is that chicken?” You giggled, nodding and plating the food and guiding Yeosang to a table. “San said you liked chicken.” He giggled and nodded. ‘He’s so cute, like a little brother’ You smiled and turned back to the kitchen only to see Seonghwa and San standing infront of you. “I cant believe it actually worked, you summoned Yeosang…” Seonghwa mumbled. “She’s stronger then you said.” He turned towards San, seeing the smirk on his face. “Thats my angel, so full of purity and innocence, so strong and you dont even know it.” He grinned, San lifting your hand to his lips as he pressed a kiss against your knuckles. “Everytime you do something somewhat sinful you just smell that much better, youre so intoxicating.” He smirked as Seonghwa sat infront of Yeosang.

Shuffling closer to you he pressed his face against your neck, almost groaning. “You smell so good~ Its so worrisome that no one has noticed you til now…” San tensed, head turning towards the door. “You must’ve had a guardian angel, keeping you from us, hiding your scent, dulling it so we cant sense it…” San purred quietly in your ear, eyes scanning the area. “But where is he now? He must have been one of the strongest to be able to dull your scent almost completely.”

You blinked, confused. “If i did...i didnt know…” Seonghwa chuckled. “Of course you didnt know, theyre supposed to stay out of sight, only guard you from death.” You threw a glare toward the sin who merely smirked. “Hush, i didnt know you sins existed til this one introduced himself, quite rudely, this morning. And ive met two others in one day, so you can imagine how tired i am correct?”

He wiggled from San’s hold and placed a plate infront of Seonghwa then one next to Yeosang for San. “Sit down and eat, both of you.”

“She sorta smells like...Felix?” San stopped at Yeosang’s words. “Felix? Like The guardian angel Felix?” Yeosang nodded absentmindedly, chewing on his food. “What happened to Felix for him to leave her side...and how do you know Felix?” Yeosang hummed, swallowing a bite. “Wooyoungie knows one of his mortal friends? Changbin? I think thats his name.”

San hummed quietly, thinking about why Felix could have disappeared from your side. “He’s strong tho, what could have pulled him away like that?” San mumbled, eyes gliding towards you. “You said i could summon Yeosang if i tried hard enough right? And i did, it worked...do you think i could somehow summon Felix?”

“...also i had a guardian angel? Apparently how you’re speaking of him he is...a strong angel?” San scrunched his nose but nodded, not sitting well with the feeling of talking about how to summon an angel, let alone a guardian angel. Especially with Felix being a higher being then just an angel.

“Yes...Felix is a very strong guardian angel. He usually works alone but he has, two other angels he works with and mortal friends for some reason, but they arent important, what is important is, what happened to Felix. Even though hes an angel he was supposed to guard you, and its increasingly frightening the more i think about how he disappeared enough for me to find you and claim you.”

You nodded, backing up on your thoughts. “So? Do you think i could try and summon him?” The three sins turned and looked at you. “You want to try and summon an angel?” Seonghwa spoke, a mocking tone as he spoke. “Let alone a guardian angel? Who you dont even know what he looks like?” You couldnt help but shrink a little bit at his mocking.

“She did summon Yeosang...and we do know someone who knows what Felix looks like, and one who knows someone he works with…” San mumbled, looking around. “But is it a smart idea to search for him? Maybe he doesnt want to be found? But he wouldnt just abandon the person he was sent to protect right?” Yeosang spoke up as he finished his plate, orange eyes locking on you. “But summoning me seemed to drain you, so how about you eat then rest, the rest of us will look for ways to find him, this guardian angel-”

“I think this is a bad idea.” Seonghwa stood up.

“Why would it be a bad idea?”

“Hello? Yeosang? The two strongest sins are going to look for a guardian angel? Does that sound ok?”

You puffed your cheeks as you listened to the duo talk. “What if i want to find him? He should be around right? Do i need to put myself in danger for him to show up?” San blinked at your words. “Love, you smell like me now, i dont know if he’d come to save you. Im pretty sure, if he was still around he wouldnt saved you from me as soon as i appeared. Some low level demon wouldnt smelled Felix on you and bolted...but it was so faint i could barely smell it.” He hummed quietly.

“We can try tomorrow ok? We can talk to someone who knows how to find him.” He sighed. “Since youre so persistent on it.” You smiled and nodded. “Now...can all of you leave so i can clean up and go to sleep…”

“Dont worry about it, ill clean up for you.” Seonghwa stood up, grabbing the plates and walking towards the sink, Yeosang standing up and stretching before nodding. “I’ll leave, thank you for the food Y/n.” You smiled as the pink haired boy nodded, disappearing with orange smoke. You coughed a bit before hesitating to leave with one unknown sin in your kitchen cleaning up. The feeling of an arm around your waist guiding you to your room startled you. “San-”

“Dont worry, he will probably end up cleaning your whole house…” He snickered as he opened your door. “He’s a clean freak.” Seonghwa hissed from inside the kitchen. “Shut up San!”

He chuckled and closed the door behind you both, guiding you to the bed and humming. “Change. Maybe ill sing for you.”

You nodded and grabbed clothes before heading into your bathroom, throwing a glance back at San who grinned at you from the chair at your table. “Go on or ill come in to help you change!” You threw a glare before slamming the door shut behind you, letting San’s laughter seep through the door.

“I hate sins...”

“Dont lie baby you love us!”

“I only tolerate some of you, aka Yeosang!”

[theorynexus]

Double Fives are first, today-- or two together-arranged, 55, I should say.

Also, we’re at Meat 30.   It would seem Jake, Karkat, and Dave are spending time together, this time.

Oh gosh...   I hope Karkat wasn’t made to endure that, considering he supposedly only ever left his house once per year, even if that might be a hyperbole. @w@            His interests and Jake’s are strongly opposed on that from, it would seem.   Thus, it might have been bad for deal-making, for reasons of souring Karkat’s mood; regardless, let’s see whether their other interests might align, or some non-detrimental arrangement (for Karkat, but hopefully for Jake too) might be found between them.

Ouch.    On the other hand, at least Karkat seems to have (likely) become more comfortable with outward signs of his blood’s color.   I doubt he would have failed to realize that it likely gives that impression, even if he originally intended it to be a sign of his closeness with Dave. He almost certainly would have semi-paranoid-ly weighed the pros and cons for his emotional well-being and/or all other consequences involved, and only come to the decision that the suit was acceptable for him to wear after deciding both connotations were acceptable.

Honestly, all things considered, Jake is very much correct. Considering the boost from all his rungs on the escheladder, there’s no way his physical capabilities should be that bad.  ... Though Jake’s estimates probably would be wrong for any other sort of being that was traveling with him. I don’t think his expectations are probably all that well gauged to the individuals in his company. It’s not that I think poorly of his intelligence, mind you. It’s just that Jake can be... rather oblivious, sometimes, if memory serves.

Yeah, his judgment is totally based on his own experience. Still, though, even coated in like 5 layers of fur, Karkat shouldn’t be that worn out. At least, from a world-building perspective, this doesn’t contradict the established rule that-- oh, wait, that was ghosts changing to fit the person’s perceptions, not God Tier players’ appearances, wasn’t it?  Hmmm.

Yes. Karkat’s diplomatic skills are impeccable.  There is absolutely nobody that can beat this guy when it comes to maintaining good relationships and reputations among the important powers of the world--- nobody!

I would suspect that Alt!Calliope is being petty, here, but I think it’s just Karkat being so tired that his coordination has dropped a bit.   (Also, this is honestly rather cute, and I appreciate the opportunity to giggle at it.)

Frack, Dave is good at bringing things up in the most awkward way possible. Also, that Karkat only estimates himself as being able to beat 99% of all humans in a “threshecution threshing match” is both quite comical and somewhat sad. ._. One Percent is a whole lot of people.

***facepalms with the greatest of groans***    SHE REALLY SHOULD FRICKING NOT!!!                        (Internet freedom for all!)   That said:  GAH, Dave, are you trying to sabotage Karkat’s chances, here? On the other hand: Maybe this propensity for blunt, careless words is one of the reasons that he decided he didn’t want to run for President, himself.   If so, good on him, I guess, for knowing himself that well.

( I will say, though, that that was honestly a nice segue, despite the fact that he sortof botched the lead-up to this via his rudeness.    Karkat gets a pass, though, because everyone knows he’s crude, and that’s part of the appeal.)

The real question is:  Are these campaign dollars as in a certain allocated amount that is allowed for each candidate, or money which was donated to the campaign by those who support them and/or Dave/Karkat?  That is a pretty important distinction, politically.  Not that either will likely be addressed and/or matter directly to the outcome of the race, probably. Oh, and those adds sound incredibly silly. I am not 100% sure that they will actually in all likelihood be effective, but they sure do sound comic-(sans)-ical. On the other hand:  Jake seems to be trying to mentally suppress what’s happening to him, probably due to his feelings toward Jane.   Welp.   :|

This is a very complicated issue, and for the sake of not offending either side, I shall choose to remain silent on the real world matter at hand, here.  On the other hand, I love the way that Karkat is just like, “SHUT UP, ALREADY.”   XD

Reminds me of Caliborn.     Indeed, that is definitely the reason why such committees are actually put into place (other than the compelling economic reasons incentives).    Doesn’t mean that they actually succeed in doing so perfectly, however.    It just makes it a grey “I guess maybe they were involved,” regardless of whether the person actually suggested such adds ought go into effect or not. Buuuuut... I’m going to refrain from pushing my promised non-commentary further than that-- and only did comment with this because of its relevance to Jake’s thought process.

It seems that Karkat agrees with my assessment of this matter.  Also, Alt!Calliope sure is quite sassy, compared to the grim and highly reserved person I thought she was. I wonder if it’s because she’s been watching essentially television for eons in order to properly understand humanity+maybe the trolls or whatever, or if it’s because she’s doing it on accident, as was my initial guess/impression, as related earlier in my liveblogs.

That’s not the point, Dave. The point is that, for one, it probably makes the audience think of you as irresponsible; secondly, it wastes the most precious resource in politics: the citizens’ limited attention spans; finally, it may actually make the two of you come off as being condescending and/or not having any actual idea what you’re talking about, which would be absolutely horrible for your chances, come election time.    While campaigns can indeed turn around in the latter months of election season, first impressions are also very important!

That is a very interesting point/question. And very ironic for him to ask; not that Dave actually can’t be properly understood through his layers of irony-- but rather, while he does indeed have a talent for that, his other qualities obscure it so badly as to make it seem quite unremarkable and hidden. And there Dave goes again, saying “thats basically true [sic.]”.   Magnificent. ***will not touch the matter of how straight-forward Dirk is***

...     Man.  Hopefully, this will serve as a lesson to the both of them.    Jake’s reaction is so bloody on the point, though. @w@

I do honestly appreciate that too.  Wow, though, he is being surprisingly civil and respectful as a result of this.  It shouldn’t honestly be a surprise, considering who Jake is.  It’s just... wow. I really appreciate the breath of fresh air.

Yeeeeesss!!!~    <3       I love everything about this that follows!    While he can be quite oblivious at times, I have always thought that Jake’s intelligence was top-notch, and I quite appreciate his flexing it, as well as that wonderfully noted breath of FREEDOM whizzing into his sails!

Boooooo!!!~     I really quite appreciate the correct and excellent display of entomological knowledge, here, but DANG, if Dirk isn’t a slimy piece of garbage, sometimes!     I mean, my gosh, the sociopathic logic, here.  It’s horrific! As for Jake:  I am very proud of him, and appreciate his very appropriate question. Everyone should ask the qualities that politicians bring to the table, policy-wise, and their (+ dis-)advantages--- not just how charismatic they are. Of course, such a statement is stating the obvious. ‘s still good to see it in practice. ... Wow, I really love Alt!Calliope’s sass. So much.

HECK YES! :’D

***grooooaaan***    

FINALLY, CERTAINTY!!!

Aside from his lack of attraction for her, which says nothing of importance, I do in fact agree with Karkat, here.  This is essentially the equivalent of the moment when the United States switched to the Constitution, and the country absolutely needed a Washington.  If Adams had actually been elected, instead of getting the second-highest sum of votes, then both the contry and the entire world could have turned out quite differently.  I, too, do  believe that Crocker could be reasonably said to have a fair chance at acting as a President who doesn’t really shake things up too terribly, and actually manages to set a perfectly fine, perhaps above average standard for Presidents to come.   There are, however, certain points in history which require great leaders if things are going to pan out well in the long-term. Crocker just presents far too many potential problems while not offering enough in the way of positives for me to give a strong endorsement of her, despite my desire to see a female president eventually take office in the United States’ equivalent of the station she and Karkat are competing over.

(SUPPORT KARKAT FOR HIS BETTER APPRECIATION OF FUNDAMENTAL PHILOSOPHICAL ORDERS OF IMPORTANCE.)

Yeeeeaaaahhh...   She was already quite twisted up (read: pained) inside during the session as a result of her concern for maintaining appearances and manipulating peoples’ perceptions of her, unless my memory is horrible in this particular act of dredging up long-ago readings’ implications, so I could certainly see that growing to be a problem as she grew up.    I’d sortof hoped that that would cease to be so much of an issue, after their session was won, considering the rewards involved/gained as a result of that.    :/

...    Yeah, that is a good deal of whiplash. I am honestly pained.

Dangit, I was so swept up in my spiel about the direct political consequences of that decision/strategy that I forgot to emphasize the very obvious danger of it actually alienating Jake from her!

***sobs***   I am so proud of him!    (Though this is not exactly the best reason for choosing one’s political decisions, I can definitely get behind the idea of him striving for independence from that manipulative cur.) 

What Dave said, but less profanity-laced! Also:   Am I incorrect in remembering that God Tier players past a certain Tier are able to wield any weapon they desire, regardless of whether they have a       Kind Abstratus of the appropriate sort in their strife specibus?  That could become relevant, some time in the near future.

[magmasliveblogs]

1.07

its late but its here! the 8th chapter! to recap, last chapter erin discovered acid flies, got rid of the fish, discovered flying pterodactyls who lay eggs, stole some eggs, made pasta, and was greeted by a bug man who knocked on her door as she was about to eat pasta 

A giant insect stood in the doorway. It had large, black, bulbous eyes, a dark brown chitinous body, and a pair of swords at its sides. It also had a huge abdomen and two long pincers coming out of its mouth. And it had four arms.

Erin stared at the ant-creature. It opened its mouth and began to speak.

“Good evening, Human. I was wondering if my colleague and I could take up a moment of your time—”

Erin shut the door. Then she bolted it. Where did she put the kitchen knife?

bit of a knee jerk reaction but hey, would you do anything else? 

“You idiot. I told you that this is why I should have opened the door.”

The Goblin’s knives were on the table. She grabbed both and tried to think. Knife. Chair? There were lots of chairs.

“Maybe it was a bad time?”

Or windows. Erin looked around. Plenty of windows. She’d jump out one if she needed to.

“Move over. Let me show you how it’s done.”

Someone knocked on the door again. Erin froze, and then went back. Very slowly, she opened the door.

a different species maybe? 

A giant lizard—no, a miniature dragon that looked sort of like a human stared down at Erin. He had to be at least six and a half feet tall. His scales were light green, and he had sharp, sharp claws on each hand. When he smiled she saw his teeth. Oh, and he had a forked tongue.

“Hello Miss. Sorry if we—”

Erin shut the door, bolted it, and dragged a table in front of it. She could feel her heart pounding out of her chest as she pushed another table in the way. Knives were no good. She’d have to jump out a window after all.

ok yeah i think erin is having a bit of an over reaction but hey, shes had a tough couple of days 

“Good job not scaring her.”

“Shut up.”

Were they talking? Erin listened hard. Her hands were shaking so hard she couldn’t hold anything.

“Now what? I do not believe breaking and entering would be appropriate at this moment.”

“What, are you crazy? Let me talk. That was just a misunderstanding caused by seeing your face. I’ll straighten all this out.”

One voice was higher than the other and had a strange clicking quality about it. Erin guessed that was the insect’s. The other, the lizardman, pronounced his words with elongated s’s. And they were both speaking in English.

“Hello? Miss? We’re not dangerous.”

welp we have an insect and a reptile at the door and erin hasnt said anything 

to the window. But she had to ask.

“…Are you a dragon?”

She heard a surprised laugh from outside the door.

“Am I a dragon? Aha. Haha. Well, that’s just—oh, bite me. I mean, do I look like one? Maybe I do. What do you think?”

“You are blushing.”

“Be quiet. I’m in a good mood now.”

The lizardman raised his voice again.

“Excuse me? I’m not a dragon, Miss Human. I’m just a lowly Drake in service to the city watch. Me and my idiot partner were on patrol when we noticed the smoke. May we come in? I promise we won’t bite.”

“Or inflict other forms of bodily or mental harm upon you.”

“Shut up. Are you trying to scare her?”

no that is not a dragon erin, but hey it seems you have flattered the reptile. also it seems the insect isnt that good at social interactions 

Erin debated. Somewhere in her mind she was trying to decide whether she should be laughing or panicking. And if she was going to laugh, would it be funny laughter or hysterics?

She couldn’t decide. So instead—

“Um. Give me a moment. I’ll open this door.”

“Thank you very much.”

Erin dragged the tables out of the way and hesitantly unlatched the door. She opened it and stared at the insect and giant lizard again. The insect just stared at her. The lizard on the other hand opened its mouth and curved its lips upward. It might have been a smile.

“…Hi.”

wonderful start erin, wonderful start 

Erin’s hand tensed on the door. The lizard guy put his hand on the door and stopped her from closing it.

“Sorry, sorry Miss. We’re not here to hurt you, I promise.”

Erin hoped that was the case. She couldn’t budge the door an inch. But this wasn’t the time for flight, right? She took a different tact.

“Want something to eat?”

The lizardman blinked.

“Um, sure.”

“Okay. That’s great.”

Erin opened the door slowly. The lizardman smiled and carefully stepped inside. The giant insect walked in too and gave her a polite nod.

“Good evening.”

“…Hi.”

it seems her new [inkeeper] instincts could be kicking in. 

“Food’s over there.”

“Ooh! Pasta! This is good stuff!”

The lizardman—Drake rubbed his hands together. The noise the scales made sounded like sandpaper. He went to sit at the table but the insect guy paused.

“I would gladly partake of nourishment if offered. However we would not wish to deprive you of your meal.”

“What? No. I’ve got lots of pasta.”

Erin pointed vaguely back to the kitchen.

“Let me just get a plate and…forks. Do you uh, want a drink? I’ve got water.”

“I’ll have a glass if that’s alright.”

“I will accept the pasta and water as well. But may I inquire if you have any bugs?”

“…No. No I do not.”

“A pity.”

a bug eating bugs, ironic 

“Here. Uh, I’ve got juice as well. Want a glass?”

“Oh, thank you. It’s…blue.”

“Yeah. I made it myself. It tastes good, really.”

“Well, I’ll gladly accept. Klbkch, you want any?”

“I will pass for the moment. We should get down to business rather than partake of food.”

“In a moment. Let’s eat first. This looks good!”

Erin stared. Here was an opportunity. She had two creatures who could not only speak English for some reason, but were also not inclined to kill her and were eating her food. There were so many questions she could ask about herself, about where she was, about everything really.

It might be her questions would decide her ultimate fate. Probably not, but they were certainly important. But before Erin could ask any of the questions, including how a ‘Drake’ and giant ant learned to use a knife and fork, she had to ask again.

“…Are you sure you’re not a dragon?”

i hope the juice isnt poisonous to these people! also business? they are presumably from that settlement, but what sort of business could they have? 

“…So someone on the walls spotted the smoke and called it in. Since it didn’t seem like a grassfire and since we knew this place was abandoned years ago the Captain decided to send someone to check it out.”

“To put in succinctly: we saw the fire and decided to investigate.”

The giant lizard turned and glared at his ant-man companion.

“That’s what I said.”

“You said it poorly. I am merely rephrasing your words for the benefit of all.”

“See, this. This is why no one else is willing to be your partner.”

“Your hurtful remarks are unnecessary. Besides which, I believe we are getting off track. We are in the presence of a member of the general public, remember.”

“Oh. Right. Sorry.”

The lizardman cleared his throat. It sounded weird to Erin; much deeper and bassy than normal.

Actually, everything was weird to Erin at the moment. Not least were the two creatures sitting across from her. 

oooo some local guardsmen! so they are from the settlement. 

“Miss?”

Erin jumped.

“Me? Hi, yes, me.”

The lizardman gulped down some of the blue juice.

“Sorry, but can we ask you a few question about where you’re from? It’s pretty odd to find a Human out here, let alone in an abandoned place like this. Not that we mean to pry, it’s just that it’s kind of our job to ask these questions.”

“What? Oh, it’s no problem. Ask away.”

im going to skip over a bit, its just erin saying shes from earth and them being confused as to what earth is 

“Look. It’s complicated and I can’t really explain. But would you believe…magic? Like a crazy, crazy, uh, teleportation spell?”

“Oh, a teleportation spell? Was it a misfire or did someone target you?”

“Um. I didn’t see anything when it happened. I just sort of turned the corner and—look, the point is I suddenly appeared around here. And then…dragon.”

“I told you. It’s flattering, but I’m not a drag—oh.”

The ant-man leaned forward.

“Do you mean to say you found a dragon? Somewhere around this area?”

Erin blinked.

“Is uh, that a bad thing? I mean, it’s a dragon yeah, but isn’t he…?”

ooo a teleportation spell gone wrong. thats a good cover story 

“Look. It’s getting sort of embarrassing. I’m not a dragon. I’m a Drake. And yeah, we’re distantly related cousins but dragons are seriously bad news. They eat folks. You said you saw one?”

“It breathed at me. Fire. And then I was chased by little green men.”

“Goblins.”

“Right, them. And then I found a giant dino-bird—”

“A what?”

“A big…big leathery thing. With wings.”

“Oh, right. Those annoying things.”

“And there was a crab-rock, I mean, a rock-crab, and then I found blue fruits before that and…I met you two. A not-dragon and an insect. Who don’t want to eat me? Or is that after the meal?”

The lizard guy looked shocked and offended.

“Of course we wouldn’t eat you! That’s barbaric and besides, it’s illegal. I mean, okay, sure, it happens sometimes in distant villages but we wouldn’t do that. Right, Klbkch?”

oo we have a name! looks hard for a human to say. i shall be using his nickname of klb, which is what the community largely uses when referring to him 

The lizard man turned to his friend.

“Indeed. We would not violate our duty as guardsmen.”

“Your duty? You’re…guardsmen? And you…you’re K—kbch?”

The insect man raised one feeler.

“Our pardons. We have not introduced ourselves. Allow me to correct this mistake. I am Klbkch, Senior Guardsmen in employ of the city. This is my partner.”

“Relc!”

The lizardman raised his glass.

“And this blue juice tastes good!”

“Indeed. And I must apologize again, but our true intent in coming here was to ascertain the danger posed here.”

thought it was obvious from before, but yeah, guardsmen as i said earlier.

Erin looked around.

“From what? Me?”

“Not you, specifically. Really, it could be anything. We thought it might be a random fire, or a few Goblins. If there were some stupid kids on the other hand, we’d be dragging them back right now since it’s dangerous to stay here.”

Erin met his gaze in alarm. He had very yellow eyes with black pupils.

“Danger? Why danger? Is there something wrong with me staying here?”

“Well, there’s nothing wrong with you staying here. Aside from dying, that is.”

“Dying?”

Relc kicked Klbkch under the table.

“It’s just a possibility. This uh, place is sort of bad. For your health.”

Erin looked blank. Klbkch cut in.

“The plague. This location was once a small community until everyone here died. Horribly.”

Erin put her head in her hands.

“So am I going to die by puking out my guts or something?”

“Actually, the plague symptoms manifest themselves as—”

Relc kicked Klbkch again.

“Why don’t you shut up and let me talk? Look, Miss Human. You’re probably not sick if you’re still walking around.”

“And not oozing.”

well now we know why the village was abandoned, and why the skeleton was in the bed upstairs! 

“Shut up. Ahem. We were just sent here to make sure no Goblins or nasty creatures started living here. We’ve got no problem with Humans. Well, at least the non-violent kind.”

“Indeed. There is no law against occupying this area.”

They both stared at her. Erin felt compelled to speak.

“Good. Thanks?”

“Right.”

“Indeed.”

“…Want another plate of pasta?”

“Oh, sure.”

“I will have another as well.”

Erin ladled noodles onto each plate. The diners were silent for a moment as each slurped down their noodles, or in the case of Klbkch, did something complex with its mouth-hole. Erin didn’t look closer.

After a while Relc put down his fork.

“This really is quite good. How’d you make this all the way out here?”

“Oh, I found some flour and butter and stuff in one of the cupboards. It had a runey…thing on the shells.”

“That would be a preservation spell. It is quite common among higher-class establishments.”

“But you cooked it, then? Do you have levels in a [Chef] class, then?”

Erin stared at Relc.

“Levels? Oh. No. I’ve got levels in uh, [Innkeeper].”

“Oh, I see, I see. That’s convenient. Did you earn them here?”

“Uh, yeah. Every time I fell asleep I kept leveling. I’m uh, level 4.”

“Not bad! Especially if you just got here a few days ago. Did the notification wake you up right as you were falling asleep? I hate that.”

yep, the system is a widespread thing. also of course those runes would be widespread, they are very useful 

once again going to skip over a bit because its just erin asking about leveling and all that 

“Hey!”

Relc’s fist smashed into the table. Every plate on the table jumped into the air and Erin nearly fell out of her chair. She looked at Relc. He was scowling, but when he glanced at her pale face he stopped and looked guilty.

“Um. Sorry about that. Really. But uh, can we talk about that name?”

“N-name?”

“Yeah. You um, called me a lizard person, right?”

“Is that wrong?”

“…Yes. Yes, it is. I’m a Drake, not one of the lizardfolk. There’s a big difference.”

“Sorry. Sorry about that.”

“Uh, don’t apologize. Look, maybe I overreacted a bit. I’m not uh, mad…”

Klbkch kicked Relc under the table.

“I believe it was my turn to do that. Apologize to the Human for your rudeness.”

“…Yeah, sorry.”

Relc bowed his head down low, until the spiny crest on his head nearly touched the tabletop. Erin waved her hands urgently.

“Oh no, no. Please don’t do that. I didn’t know it was so rude. If I’d have known I’d have never—there’s a big difference between lizard people and Drakes, right?”

“Only a few differences, but the animosity between their cultures is—”

“Shut up. I’m still sorry. But yeah, there’s a big difference. I mean, sure most Humans can’t tell us apart, but the lizardfolk live near water and can breathe underwater too, some of them. Whereas we Drakes like drier climates. We enjoy warm sun, open spaces…”

“Nice rocks to laze about upon while we should be performing our duties.”

“You’re just an overgrown ant. You be quiet. Anyways, we’re special. Those guys are just amphibians that learned to walk on two legs. We’re related to Dragons. We’ve got special powers.”

“Like what?”

“We can breathe fire. Some of us can, at least.”

Relc sat back and folded his arms with a triumphant grin. Erin and Klbkch stared at him in silence.

ah yes, this large racial thing. what they dont say now is that lizardfolk live on an entirely different continent 

“We’re still cool, right?”

Erin grinned and gave him a thumbs up. Then she winced in regret. She’d used her bad hand.

“Ooh, nasty. What happened there?”

“What, this? It’s nothing, it—”

Klbkch stood up suddenly. Erin flinched, but he raised two of his spindly arms.

“Please, I mean no harm. But your hand. May I see it?”

Erin hesitated. Then she slowly extended her hand. On the outside her bandage was grey and red with congealed blood. Some dripped to the floor.

He, if it was a he, inspected her hand carefully. Then he looked up.

“Again, apologies. But could I trouble you to remove the bandage?”

Erin hesitated. But then she slowly unwrapped her hand. And flinched. The pain that had been slumbering in her hand suddenly flared, and something dripped to the floor.

It was yellowish white pus. It dripped from her wound. And the wound itself was different. Instead of the thin red line it had changed. Parts of the injury were darker red and—Erin looked away.

Relc hissed softly. However, Klbkch made no sound. He inspected her wound for a few seconds, his antennae moving slowly and then looked at her.

“Yeah. Um, yeah.”

Erin tried to breathe. Her hand was suddenly burning.

“It—sorry, it’s a mess. I cut my hand and I guessed it just got infected, but—”

“It is not an infection.”

“What?”

“It is poison. Of a sort.”

“You sure? It doesn’t feel like—”

“There is a fish in the rivers near here. It secretes a mucus that damages the area it touches. Such as in this case. I have seen several similar afflictions as a guardsman.”

“You have? I mean, it’s not an infection?”

good to know she isnt plague infested, but it seems those fish were worse that i thought! 

“Please, do not be alarmed. This is treatable. Allow me.”

He reached down. Erin looked and saw him pull something out of a belt pouch at his waist. She blinked as he held up a bottle full of a shimmering, emerald-green liquid.

“This is a low-grade healing potion. If you pour it over your injury it should heal your affliction.”

Gently, Klbkch uncorked the bottle and held it out to Erin. She accepted it gingerly, but hesitated.

“This is—I mean, is it safe? For humans?”

Klbkch and Relc both nodded. Relc was eying his partner but the ant man was intent.

“Please, believe me. It will heal you.”

Erin stared into his eyes. They were compound eyes, large ones. Brown and fractal. Like and ant’s. And they were creepy as hell, but Erin decided she could still trust them.

She gripped the potion tightly in her left hand and poured it slowly over the open wound on her right hand. She gasped in shock.

“Are you alright?”

“It—it doesn’t hurt!”

Relc snorted gently. It sounded like a leaf blower starting up.

“Of course not. Why wound anyone make a healing potion that hurts when you use it? But look at that!”

He pointed. Erin’s eyes went down to the cut in her hand. It was closing up with amazing speed. The flesh was joining together and in an instant, the entire cut vanished. She gaped.

yay healing potions! a staple of fantasy, but still good to know they can heal this sort of injury 

Klbkch plucked the half-empty bottle from her hands before she dropped it. She was too busy poking at her hand to realize, but when he’d stoppered the bottle she turned and gave him a huge hug.

“Thank you—ow!”

“Apologies. It is unwise to hug those with exoskeletons. Please, are you hurt?”

i agree, dont hug those with hard outer shells

“I will accept gladly. But for now I am full, and I believe it is time to be going. We would not wish to intrude upon your hospitality for too long.”

Relc paused as he gulped down more blue fruit juice.

“We wouldn’t?”

“We are still on duty, if you recall. The Captain will be expecting a report. If we do return, we will have more time to socialize.”

“Or, and hear me out. Or…we could have more food and stay here longer.”

“I am sure you would prefer that. But we are being paid to work, not to enjoy ourselves. Moreover you are eating all of this Human’s dinner.”

Relc glanced at the table. He stood up immediately.

“Right. Well, let’s be going. Um, sorry about that Miss. Here, let me just pay for the food…”

Erin tried to protest but a scaly hand prized hers open gently and deposited several copper coins and two silver ones into her palm.

“I insist. That blue drink is really good by the way.”

“Thanks.”

“Well, we’ll be off then. Good night to you.”

The two left the inn. Erin watched them go. She went to go sit down and sat on the floor. And stayed still for another hour.

probably a good way to calm down after that 

Relc and Klbkch left the inn. They began walking through the grass under the night sky. It was cool, but both moved quickly. Each one scanned the landscape as they walked and kept their hands on the spear and sword at their sides. They weren’t nervous; just wary.

After a while Relc spoke.

“What a lonely girl.”

“Is it female? I couldn’t tell.”

“I can. It’s the mammary glands.”

“Breasts, I think they’re referred to. Or maybe the word is tits.”

“Really? I thought those were birds.”

“That’s what I heard some small Humans saying once. But she’s female. And young, correct?”

“Yeah, I’d bet on it. I’m not sure why a Human would be out here anyways, let alone in that place.”

oo we get some of the guards thoughts! this should be interesting 

“Inquiring into other’s personal affairs is only a matter for the Guards while we’re on duty. Respecting another’s personal space is a principle of social interaction.”

“Shut up. She just seems lonely, that’s all. Why else would a Human female want to hang out with a Drake and an overgrown bug?”

Klbkch was silent for a while.

“Do you believe she is a lawbreaker or fearful for her life?”

“Even if she was, who’d hide there? You’d have to be mad, or maybe a mage or priest to risk that.”

“True. But at least we are certain it’s safe now. She would  be dead within the day if it were still deadly.”

“Bet she didn’t know. And her expression when we walked in—she’s never seen a Drake or an Insect before in her life.”

“I would prefer that you call my species by their proper name.”

“What do you think? I bet she’s some kind of runaway, or a child that got lost separated from her clan.”

“…”

“Fine. Antinium. Happy?”

quick retcon here, priests are gone for a reason we shall see later, so she cant be a priest. this sort of error is fixed in the $5 version on amazon 

“Her being a runaway would be most likely. I find it hard to believe any Human would wander so far into the grasslands by accident and she did not seem to be looking for directions.”

“Bastard.”

“You are correct in at least one definition of the word. But speculation is pointless in any case. We investigated the smoke and now we can make our report. She is not breaking the law in any case since the inn was abandoned nearly three years ago.”

“What about the Dragon? Do you think she made that up?”

“She was not lying, at least not intentionally. However…”

“Yeah. A Dragon? Really?”

“It seems more likely that she was hallucinating. Perhaps she ran into a fire breathing Wyvern, or lesser monster. But I doubt she would have survived meeting a true Dragon.”

“Plus, we’d know if a Dragon lived around here. They’re pretty obvious.”

“Indeed.”

“So…scared Human female? Not a threat?”

“That was my assessment.”

“Right, right. Let’s tell the Captain and get some sleep. Or rather, I’ll sleep and you do your creepy standing hibernation thing.”

“Agreed. And it is very restful. You should attempt it sometime.”

“Pass.”

yes i dont think a single human female is a threat 

The two walked in silence for quite some time. The road back to the city was long, and in any case they were still alert for potential dangers that might be sneaking up on them. Not that either had much to fear from most predators so long as they kept their eyes and earholes open, but you never knew.

After a long time Klbkch broke the silence.

“So, shall we return tomorrow?”

“Oh, definitely. Right after work?”

“We may be able to fit checking in there as part of our duties if we convince the Captain it is necessary.”

Relc slapped Klbkch on the back of his exoskeleton. “Now you’re thinking like a Drake.”

“I will endeavor not to in the future.”

“Go roast yourself.”

They walked on for another few minutes until Relc broke the silence again.

“So, a lesser healing potion of no worth, huh?”

“Would you have had me tell her the true value?”

“No, no. It’s for the best. Mind you, I think she figured it out.”

“…Perhaps.”

“How are you going to explain that to the Captain, huh?”

“I will deduct the cost from my pay. Besides which, it was used to protect a civilian.”

“You’re a regular saint, huh? Trying to level up your [Saint] class?”

“You know fully well that I have no levels in any class of the kind. I was merely being kind.”

ooo i see the antinium (funny story actually, i was spelling it as antininum for months till i read the word on its own once and realized my mistake) used a pretty expensive potion 

The two walked on in silence. Eventually Relc spoke again.

“It’s not that I’m not interested. I have an open mind! I wouldn’t mind looking. If I was offered. They’ve got nothing on good scales, but I could get over the fleshiness. Maybe.”

“Deviant.”

“Shut up.”

“She was quite nice in any case. It was pleasant talking to her.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m glad we didn’t have to kill her.”

“Indeed.”

yes, lets not kill the protagonist in the 8th chapter. this isnt game of thrones 

Erin sat against one wall. She was falling asleep. She wanted to run around screaming about lizardmen—Drakes, walking ants, and a crazy world but that was passé. Besides, she’d already done that for a few hours anyway.

Her mind was swimming. Her eyes were drooping. Erin was about to fall asleep. But her hand didn’t hurt. So she was smiling.

At last her mind finally blanked. Erin’s breathing deepened, her eyes closed. She slept.

[Innkeeper Level 5!]

[Skill – Basic Crafting obtained!]

“…Just let me sleep.”

as the drake said, thats annoying, but it seems her first time doing the job of an innkeeper got her a level! and a skill, i wonder what [basic crafting] applies to?

either way, thats the end of the chapter! will erin be able to trust these people? will erin ever go to the settlment? will these people be ordered to kill her? we shall find out next time! 

see you tomorrow! 

[ruserious-hi]

180: Chapter II

Summary: You’re entire life you had felt that you were special, like you were mean’t for something greater. You weren’t ordinary. You had a mother, friends. You were even at the top of your class. It wasn’t until your eighteenth birthday that you discovered you were right all along and yet wrong in so many ways.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader ? 

A/N: Friend or foe?

Light. That was the first thing you were greeted with. Real natural and beautiful light.

You were certain. You died and this was heaven. 

Looking down you noticed the battered grey t-shirt and shorts you were taken in were replaced with the whitest t-shirt you had ever seen and grey sweatpants. You felt as if you were laying on a cloud. Maybe it was just because you were used to cold concrete floors, but this was no ordinary bed. You began to feel the plushness of the bed when you noticed your left hand, the one HYDRA had broken while trying to restrain you, was wrapped in a hard red cast. You began to sit up.

“I wouldn’t do that,” warned a voice from the corner of the room.

The voice caused you to turn in the direction of the sound. As you turned a searing pain in your abdomen brought you back down to the comfort of the bed. You could feel your heart begin to race. They didn’t tie you down. Maybe you were saved. Was this the man to whom the shadow belonged too?

Before you could analyze the situation, the man took his chair from the corner of the room and plopped it right next to your bed.

“Hello Jane Doe.”

You couldn’t think of response, so you just stared into his brown eyes. He wasn’t familiar. You don’t remember seeing him in the HYDRA facility they had kept you in. Although the eye contact was uncomfortable, it was the only way for you to get a read on his emotions without physical contact.

“Not much of a speaker are you,” he said breaking eye contact to gaze outside of a large window you just realized was there. The view literally took your breathe away. You had never been this high up before. Glancing back at you he continued, curiousity flowing through him,  “Do you know who I am?”

Eyes glued to the view you shook your head.

“Really? Have you heard of Iron Man?”

You shook your head.

“Tony Stark? the billionaire, playboy and philanthropist?”

You shook your head again.

“Damn. Thats a first,” he said. “Anyway, the real question is who are you?”

Breaking eye contact with the view, you looked back at this ‘Tony Stark’ before staring at your hands as if they were the most interesting thing in the world.

“You see. We ran some tests,” uh oh. You thought. Do they know about your powers? 

“Your not on any missing persons file. HYDRA burned all their files before Nat could extract them. Your a ghost. Your entire existence has been erased. So let me ask you again, who are you?”

You looked back at him. HYDRA never asked. They took. There was no malice or anger with his words. You could tell if he were lying. He wasn’t HYDRA. You could trust him.

Clearing your throat you replied, “I - I am Y/N Y/LN. I was taken by HYDRA on June 13, 2011. It was my eighteenth birthday.”

You sensed a shift in his emotions as he sat folded his hands in front of him. Sadness. Pity. 

Tony tilted his head to the side, “Y/N, what did HYDRA want from you? Why did they take you?”

“A weapon,” you sighed. Glancing down at your hands, “Thats all they ever want. I was just an ordinary high school student. I didn’t even know I had powers until the day they took me. It all happened so fast.”

“What powers do you have?” Tony asked.

“If I concentrate hard enough, I can summon and move any object. See,” Closing your eyes, you pictured the lucky black ball-point pen you always used on every test. Sure enough the pen appeared in your right hand. Tossing it into the air, with a slight move of your fingers began drawing stars on the clean white walls. 

Looking over at Tony you noticed the way his eyes followed the smooth movements of your pen as it stroked against the wall. Snapping your fingers, you clicked the pen and it disappeared. The look of amusement brought a brief smile to your face. You couldn’t remember the last time you had smiled even if it was just for a second.

“I can also pick up on people’s emotions when I am close to them. Although it works better through physical contact. I can also read other people’s thoughts.”

“Hmm, what am I thinking now?”

You were hesitant. Who the hell is confident enough to let you gaze into their minds. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, go ahead.”

Well, I guess Tony Stark is. Taking a deep breathe you tried to focus on the man sitting beside you. There were multiple different frequencies around you, it sounded mostly like doctors and nurses discussing patients. Anxiety and stress. Someone was wondering whether there were any plums in the food court. Another was singing some tune you had never heard before. Then you heard it. Tony’s voice. He was wondering what your favorite flavor of ice cream was.

“Chocolate,” you replied zoning out all the noises. 

“Hmm.” he said.

“Chocolate. It’s my favorite ice cream flavor.”

“Wow. Your good,” he said genuinely impressed. “Are there any other special powers I should know about?”

Shyly you looked down at your hands, tracing the outline of your cast, “No, not that I know of.”

“I’m going to call in one of the doctors. She is the best in the business. Once she just has to check your vitals and then you should be good to go. Is there anyone I can call to come get you?”

“My mom. Y/MN Y/MLN. She’s all I have.” 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. did you get that?” he shouted into the air. You were confused, who was he yelling to. No one else was in the room.

Suddenly a voice came out of nowhere, “Yes, Mr. Stark.”

“Thanks F.R.I.D.A.Y. Let me know as soon as possible when you get a hit.”

“Will do Mr. Stark.” replied the voice.

“Alright kid, I will be back as soon as I can. The doctor will be in shortly,” putting his chair back in the corner he got up and started walking toward the door.

Before he could exit the room, “Mr. Stark?” you asked.

Turning swiftly around he said, “Yeah kid?”

“What year is it?” you already knew, but a part of you just wanted to hear it from an actual person.

Glancing at his wrist, he said, “April 14, 2019. And you can call me Tony.”

On that note he walked out of the room. 

You blinked a few times. It has been seven years. You missed seven birthdays. You were 25 years old. You weren’t a kid anymore. You were a full blown adult. Those thoughts repeated in your head. On an endless cycle. It was all you could think about. 

As Tony promised the doctor came in. You weren’t really paying attention to what she was saying or doing. Something about a couple bruised, but not broken ribs and that in a few months the cast would be removed.

When the doctor left the room, you were tired of lying stuck in the bed unable to move. Against doctors orders ad the pain in your ribs, you willed yourself onto your feet. With baby steps, you made your way to the window taking in the landscape hoping to take your mind off the shit storm that was reality. 

When the sun began to set over the city skyline, the door opened. Earlier one of the nurses came in and saw you standing, so he forced you to sit in the chair Tony had sat in earlier since you refused to return to the bed.

“I’ve got good news and bad news kid.” It was Tony. Joining you by the window he said, “which do you want first.”

“Bad.” You were used to bad news. Might as well start with what was familiar.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. couldn’t find any record of your mom anywhere... I’m sorry.”

“And the good news?” you said. 

“Well since you haven’t even heard of me I am assuming you haven’t heard of the avengers. Am I correct?”

You nodded.

“All you really need to know is that its a group of enhanced people, like you. They’re actually the people that went on the mission to the HYDRA facility where we rescued you from. We have a facility in upstate New York where we live and train. Since we couldn’t find your mom, you can stay there with us until we locate her. I know its not ideal,  but its free and we can even help you learn more about your powers. Although you do seem to have a good handle on them. And if you don’t want to thats completely fine-

“Yes.” You interrupted. “I would like that.”

[identitycris1s]

im back

hi just thought id pop in with a status update! maybe i’ll break this down into categories. feel like im doing an email update (ew!) but this rly is probs the best way to structure this post...

work / school (?)

work has been....aite. idk what to say. idk if i have unrealistic expectations of what work is supposed to be, but the idealist in me thinks its wrong to not even try and find something that seems meaningful / is deeply fulfilling. i think im mature enough to get that work isnt supposed to be fun / exciting every single day but bro this daily grind / sense of dread / utter disinterest / feeling of futility / frustration / disenchantment surely isnt the correct state of affairs.....at least let me try and find something that is a better fit, thats more stimulating, that feels more NATURAL to me? i just dont think im cut out to be a lawyer. sure i sometimes like arguing and making my point and i like that everyone i work with is smart and interesting and generally kind and reasonable and i like the prestige of the job and feeling like ppl respect me and i like the decent pay and the humane hours but.....i feel unmotivated to be a good lawyer. i think i find it difficult / disingenuous to always 100% get behind my client and advocate for their best interests. i tend to see things from a zoomed out perspective, like WHY are we fighting, WHY cant we just settle, WHY are the claimants pursuing this absolutely crap and unmeritorious claim and WHY do we have to defend it when its stupid and bound to fail (cos access2justice i guess but still, WHY), WHY cant we just hash things out in a meeting instead of sending emails here and there and wasting time, WHY do we have to answer stupid questions, WHY WHY WHY

and i think public policy is sort of an answer to that....i think theres more questioning of why we do things and why a policy will or will not work, in a macro sense - what is good for society at large. whereas in law (at least in litigation) its how can we just move this case forward and help the client, which is often not the most productive thing to do in a macro sense - very much a zero sum game. i get that shitty / unmeritorious claims still need to be defended against and someone has to do it and I GET IT but i just dont think i want to be that person defending these claims...or bringing them for that matter.....ultimately i cant fully / sincerely separate the overarching sense of futility from the duty to do a good job.

sigh. well at least ive kind of figured out this isnt for me. which is scary cos being a lawyer in this firm is pretty much a career for life - truly an iron rice bowl, i could probably make partner in maybe 4 or 5 years and live a comfortable upper middle class life...but i cant bring myself to do that. i cant bring myself to not give myself a shot at doing something i actually find interesting, stimulating and that i care about deeply. call me crazy! we’ll see where this brings me in 5 years’ time....:) 

anyway most ppl at work (at least in my team) know that im most likely gonna leave soon. i rly only told 2 ppl (my boss cos he had to sign off on my testimonial and G cos she was quitting anyway)...but somehow ppl found out one way or another. i dont rly mind and ppl have been taking it pretty well and have been kind and encouraging (i guess why would they not take it well, im hardly indispensable) but i get a bit antsy thinking - what if i dont get in...then what? do i just put my head down and continue here (BUT IM SO SAD) or do i just quit without any prospects and try to find a policy-ish job??

idk. will have faith that God will put me where I need to be. he is in control of it all and I BELIEVE THIS !!! I am just a bit scared that his plan is different from what i  think i want....but this is just my human instinct and i know in my head that there is no reason to be scared cos his plan is always the better one. head knowledge just needs to translate to heart understanding and real trust / faith.

ermmm relationships...???

i started using...cmb...idk why i find this so cringey. i guess about a year ago i couldnt imagine doing this and i kept thinking EW what if ppl i know see me and they think im a desperate saddo who cant find a bf irl and has to resort to an app EW shes so lame and ugly and gross. and i realised that is so stupid no one actually thinks that way and its very backward and dumb and insecure of me to be thinking that. and anyway as i get older i rly dont quite give a shit what ppl think of me (at least i tell myself that....)

i suppose i was also inspired by csm who has been quite actively using apps and meeting ppl and taking real..strides..(LOL) in her dating life. i used to tell myself hey God will provide u with a mans if he wants u to be with a mans. but also God can use an app to do that...and if i dont step out in faith that he will do something and i dont take any action at all, how is God gonna work?? should i sit at home and expect a man to fall into my lap??

for some ppl it has been way easier, e.g. my parents meeting in uni and falling i love. i always wanted that - the organic relationship, the meet-cute, the friends to lovers thing. (i guess i tried that last one before and it didnt work...) but i think theres no point in romanticising relationships anymore. thats a very modern thing to do and its not necessarily a good thing? like who’s to say a relationship that had organic beginnings is intrinsically better than one that started from an app?

anyway i havent had much luck haha i think its hard to find genuine GCBs (or maybe theyre just not attracted to me....) although recently ive been talking to this one guy B for a week or two and its been...ok i guess. hes rly nice and seemed cool at first - we talked about travelling and hamilton and the office, which was a good start. he is thoughtful and kind and doesnt seem to be put off by my very slow replies (he replies so fast......its stressful a bit) and he does the whole good morning text thing (which i frankly find a bit bizarre, we barely know each other..?? and ive never even met him irl.. but its sweet i guess :))

but DUDE his english seems to be not great - at least thats the impression i get from texting him. which is an issue for me. i dont want it to be BUT IT IS...first red flag was when he said some weird thing about not wanting to wear a mask at work (not a literal mask - like he didnt know if he could be his ‘true self’) and the wording was very strange. then he said “the weekends are almost here” ?? the weekend is not a plural though? then he used the wrong tense a few times and his apostrophe usage was wrong (”Gods’ love” - bro there is one God). he also uses way too many commas which irks me.

i mean i get that text is supposed to be an informal medium - come on look at this post, there r hardly any capital letters and plenty of short forms and hardly any apostrophes but u see its CONSISTENT and its obviously cos of laziness / convenience - but i think his problem is a bit different...u can sort of tell if someone doesnt have a 100% strong grasp of english. those r basic grammar mistakes man...i get that i sound petty and stupid and this isnt a huge deal but i feel like im settling by even talking to him cos this is not something i wld normally tolerate but hey maybe im getting desperate with age :(:(:( urgh 

on the other hand maybe i just need to be more generous with ppl and l have an irrationally high standard for english cos i am a lawyer and my friends all speak well / text well?? maybe im just being too nitpicky?? honestly hes very nice  and communicative and straightforward and seems mature and very God-fearing and idk why hes still talking to me cos ive been a bit cold and slow to respond. hes very patient which i dont rly deserve.....i myself have a million flaws that are probably way worse and egregious (ahem PRIDE...ahem ego....ie the source of this dilemma in the first place...) so maybe i should just close one eye abt the bad grammar.

i also realised how fked up i am - confirmed my suspicion that i am naturally attracted to emotionally unavailable ppl / ppl that just seem distant / out of reach (thats my avoidant attachment style right there). i think there was one day he didnt text me at all and omg...i couldnt stop thinking what i did wrong...like did i piss him off by being too cold for too long...did he get scared off cos i said i wanted to do a masters (idk this seemed like an irrational leap but i was being irrational)..then i started being nicer to him and replied more promptly hahaha turns out he was just rly bz at work that day. omg this pattern is real i think i did this with xj also - was eager to speak when he was in japan but after meeting irll i was just over it... (i am drawn to distance like a moth to a flame and i am repelled by availability like....a fire by a fire extinguisher (??)). yucks i rly hate myself sometimes but yknow what at least im self aware and im trying to fix this...kind of.. gonna hash this avoidant thing out with my therapist at the next sesh.

on the topic of xj i got a bit nostalgic and wondered why we stopped speaking (surprise surprise it was my fault, didnt reply then felt it had been left to long to pick it up again...) went back to look at our texts and aw we rly got along so well, i do miss him as a friend and im sorry about how poorly i treated him especially in dec 2018 / jan 2019 sigh.....i was a real bitch....

anyway im just gonna see how things go with B... if he asks me out i prob will go... just to give it a shot. update if / when that happens!

EDIT - he asked me out lol we shall see how it goes. 

[lewishamada]

Panda's Past (a oneshot)

((so, i am not used to write some fanfics, because im used in drawing mangas and comics so pls bear with my wrong grammars here.. English is not my first language haha)) This is also includes in the list of my upcoming working comics :) --- It was an ordinary morning with the bears. The wind rustling in the iron branches gently scratching Panda's window. Panda, rubbing his eyes got up and fix everything and just turned into his cellphone. Scrolling up to refresh, a new total number of likes: 0 Panda may be used to this kind of situation but it may never settle less. Opening his door, and his big footsteps were heard walking to the bathroom. Ice Bear, the one who got first woken up, flips the pancakes and frying the eggs. "Oh good morning man, what's for breakfast" Panda said in a hoarse voice uncertainly saw what Ice Bear cooked. "Pancakes, Fried Eggs, and Bacon" Ice Bear replied in his usual tone, flipping the pan and the shizzling sound of oil can be heard. Panda headed to get his contact lenses and carefully placed it in both of his eyes. Panda can now see clearly... his image in the mirror, seeing the black spots in his eyes and he felt happy despite of having 0 responses and likes in his new video in Everyone's Tube and instantly wears his smile and saw Grizz went out of his room. "Hey bros! Good morning!" Yawning and stretching his paws out and went immediately to the kitchen table. "Ice Bear will go to bathroom... to clean" Ice bear said in the same voice and carefully handed the brush and the detergent. Just a typical day for the bear as it is. But something is bugging Panda's out. A small conversation is in between Panda and Grizz after eating "So Pan-pan, i just remembered why i got hooked with that giant burrito man" "So-so... what is it? Is that even have in connection in what are we doing now?" "I mean like, when i was a cub, It was a stormy night and the thunder crackles—" "Dude wait—" Panda pause for a few moment reminiscing something inside his mind, gently opening his mouth and spoke some few words: "I should post this with the hashtag Throwback Wednesday" Grizz interrupted with a stomp in the kitchen table and all of his food went anywhere... Its actually a total mess. The bacon prepared by Ice Bear is in the floor. Waiting to get it back, Grizz immediately chomps the bacon and leaves a burp. "Panda, let me finish please. Oh c'mon man, it's fascinating!" "Okay Grizz I'll listen okay okay" "It was a stormy night when i climbed a tree, I dont even know how I climbed that thing but somebody help me out of it—" "Wait wait! Is that us?" "Man, no!" "Okay okay" "The fireman helded his hand at me and telling me to trust him, when I hugged his arm, i feel comfortable in a state where all of my fears were gone" "So did you just think that Burrito is also the fireman's arm?" "Yes. Thats it!" Grizz went back to his room and go on a surf. Immediately, Ice Bear has finished cleaning the Bathroom, and it's ready for use. Panda, alone in the kitchen table, staring in the ceiling seems like he's thinking deep. Ice Bear went on his front and gently got his Vaccuum below Panda's feet "Ice Bear needs that vacuum" "Oh sure bud, ta-take it" Panda lifted his little toe above the chair. The chair creaked as he bent his self to help Ice Bear got the vaccuum. Panda again, as his usual habit, surfing the internet finding some good things happening. Panda is a one kind anxious bear, actually he really is, since birth. With his body and system full of requirements to interact with the everyday life. Full of allergies including his severe allergies to peanuts. In a moment Grizz went out in his room and shouted. "Ohhh guys! I saw something here in the internet! The voice trembles Ice Bear since he is in front of Grizz. Shaking, falling and shivers. His eyes were in total shock for what Grizz have done, but all of these is just normal to Ice Bear... Like seriously, he's acting nothing happen. No one can blame that he is introvert in nature.. Grizz, in a total shock hold Ice Bear's arms and helping him to stand up. "Sorry dude, I think I just screamed so hard! Oh well man, you are fine now" Grizz scratching his head pleaded for forgiveness, and as Ice Bear patting his shoulders and rubbing his nape, scratching his legs. "Ice Bear is ok now" Grizz in a relief, continued what he wants to say. Fixing his self. Clenches his fist and shows the laptop. "Pan-pan! Look at this article about Pandas!" Panda, amazed about what he heard, jumped in into Grizz' side, rushing in an instant. Ice bear also takes a peek from the laptop, gently squeezing himself from the bears. In the article shown, Grizz read it aloud, but not that loud. Loud enough to be heard from 500 meters radius away from them. "So, I'll read. "Pandas are racoon-like animals, but they are bears—"" Panda, in anger interrupted what Grizz has read, and immediately corrects them. Ice Bear and Grizz left in silence while Panda is having corrections on the article "Pandas are not half-bear, half-racoons! The-The'yre just bears with spots!" "So they're giant racoons?" Grizz replied in astonishment and confusement. Ice bear and Panda look at each other and trying to understand if it's a joke or if it's serious. "C'mon man! there is no such thing as Giant racoons!" Panda said in a clear voice, raising his arms like for sacrifice. Ice bear joins in the conversation, steps forward in a second. "Ice bear thinks Pandas are racoons" "Even you bro really thinks pandas are racoons? C'mon man! You and grizz do'nt understand me!" Panda, in a high voice, yells in front of the bears, and rush outside of the house. Angrily forced the door shut leaving the door a big BANG. Panda went into the wilderness "Pan-pan do'nt go!" Grizz cried aloud. "Let's go dude! let's find Panda!" Grizz and Ice Bear immediately gets out of the house and tries to find Panda. --- "Pandas are not racoons. Are they racist? Like, I am a bear okay—" Panda is taking a rest in the shade of the giant tree. Gentle breeze scrapes his fur and unexpectedly, a tear drop in his own very eyes. Panda is crying. He went up and fix his self, patting his tail for some dirts, rubbing his eyes and carefully opens his cellphone. A notification popped up in the screen of his phone, as he reads that message, he thought of something worth done if he leaves the cave. What if he will make a new life alone? Without his brothers? Panda knew his side, and he also knew that he is over acting. He forcely closed his eyes and think. But all of the things that pin him down is going inside his head. A bit of diziness is unto him. And he falls to the grassy ground. A fall that lead him where his past is lurked within. His greatest fear, the memory he wants to forget. -- The puddle of rainwater is clearly seen in a rainy night sky. The loud noises from the above is the only tool that can make little panda to trek the road all by himself. Soaked, filthy, stench smelling animal, walking alone in the rainy evening. Little Panda is struggling in pain. A thorn of a certain plant, is buried under his toes. Bleeding a little, but surely the pain lies inside. Earlier, he was in a trouble with some racoons, and jumped into rosebushes finding a good place to hide. But this is not what is happening, the reality is unfair. Being a new visitor in New York makes sense since he's from China. Went into a trip from an airplane to immediately place him in the zoo, but panda thinks this is not helping him realize the fun. Instead, he has the will to get out of the cage and find a new life. He realized that having his brothers in his life really makes him think that life isnt challenging, you will actually need some bud to carry you on. A bud that sleeps in the ref, in a messy bedroom, and a bud that is his brother. -- Panda opens his eyes, and a bit of blurry can be seen, although he already has his contact lenses. His head, aching a little that much, is not in his business. Panda immediately gives a warm hug for his brothers. He, trembling with embarassment pleaded for sorry. "G-guys, I'm so sorry about what happened" His eyes, starting to flow with some teardrop, shakes and wants to eject and makes him cry, but Grizz hugged him tighter that makes him lovable and cute. Grizz, in a replied, also asks for forgiveness. His paws are hanging a bit wanting some handshakes, but Panda also gave something. It's a picture that says "Pandas are racoons" "Ice Bear does not believe with that things" Ice Bear, enters the conversation with a suspicious look in his eyes. Clearly seeing that Panda is contented with his brother. He hugged them so hard that even Grizz cant feel his tummy. "I love you guys. I wont leave you again"

[kawaiifunhologram-blog]

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Hey, i'm a young male who passed his test recently and the insurance quotes I have been getting have been eye popping. Just over 4,000 my quotes have been. I live in the city and dont have a garage or driveway etc and know that can effect the premium but I want a diesel which is insurance group 3, does that have major effect on the premium? I need a little advice on how to go about this""

Car Insurance for teens?

ok so i need to get insurance for my car asap how long if i call today and pay for everything over the phone how long until i am covered? Do they have to send me a card which means i have to wait to drive until i get it?

Auto Insurance ? Never had it. Can anybody help.?

I have called for quotes.. to many auto insurance companies. But since this my first time purchase I am confused, Can someone break down the features of a policy, what am i to have, what is reccomended. thanks , any details will help.""

What is the name of the cheapest possible car insurance ? and how much ?

i need full coverage cost on two cars

Do anybody know of any cheap health insurance?

I haven't had any insurance since 2007.

How much would car insurance cost?

how much would car insurance cost for a 16 year old guy driving a 2006 pontiac g6 4 door 2.4 liter engine

Got a ticket and insurance doubled NJ?

I got a ticket on my very first day of driving for an illegal left turn (one of those that you cant make during certain hours unless you are a resident of the street). I got the ticket with 3 points, i went to court and paid off all 3 points and got unsafe driving under my name hoping that it wouldn't affect my insurance, which was under my dads name (Allstate). Even with paying off the points my insurance still doubled. Now my question is, is there anything I can do to lower my insurance? Maybe I can take a course somewhere. Are me and my dad better off looking for a new insurance company? Maybe i should drop my car from my insurance and taking the bus again? If there isn't anything I can do, how long will it take for my insurance to drop again? Right now we are all in hard times and i made it much worse for my family, any help would be greatly appreciated.""

What is the average cost of mobile home insurance in California?

What is the average cost of mobile home insurance in California?

How much does life insurance cost monthly for a 28 year old nonsmoking female??

How much does life insurance cost monthly for a 28 year old nonsmoking female??

Whats higher in cost car insurance or van insurance at 19 years old?

just a little argument what would cost more car insurance or van insurance

What is to stop people from taking the fines instead of paying for insurance?

it seems like they are not much different then a high deductible insurance plan

Can I use my mums Tesco Clubcard to get cheaper car insurance?

I'm looking to buy my first car and naturally insurance is expensive. It is usually just out of my price range but I discovered yesterday that if I use my mums clubcard to get a discount on Tesco's website it brings it down to an affordable level for me. However I was just wondering if I can use my mums clubcard to lower my insurance or is this not allowed?? I can't find anything that definitavely answers my question on Tesco's website.

Do I need to be on the insurance to go to and from school in my friends car?

I am 16 years old and I have my drivers permit, is it legal to drive myself and my sister to and from school in my friends car without being on the insurance policy? its my friends dad car and I want to use it for school..""

CHEAPEST CAR INSURANCE IN CANADA!!!?

LOOKING FOR THE CHEAPEST INSURANCE /BROKERS IN CANADA

What's the advantage of having an intermediary company (broker) handle my car insurance?

i quoted through the intermediary company (broker) and the total payment was $331. Then i quoted directly with the insurance company and the total payment is $209......????

""I'm looking for a sporty car with low insurance rates and preferably american made around $15,000?""

I'm looking for a sporty car with low insurance rates and preferably american made around $15,000?""

Medical insurance for an International student?

hi, I am an international student and am on my OPT now. I haven't been to a doctor in 3 years now and all these years I had an international insurance. Now that it is going to be expire I was thinking to get an insurance. I was thinking to visit a doctor for a general health checkup. I would like to know which insurance would cover my visit to the doctor. I am 24 years old male. Unemployed. Thank you""

What's the average price of car insurance?

I'm 23 and thinking about buying a car but am weighing out the pros and cons. I've had a licence for almost 5 years, drove for the first 2 and haven't driven since. I haven't made any claims that were my fault. I'd like to buy a car in group one so can anyone tell me on average how much it will cost per year? Thanks""

Cheapest car insurance for a 18 year old female?

I have recently passed my driving test and all my quotes are coming up as 9,000 all the way to 30,000 which i dont think is normal. I know that insurance for teenagers is high but what is a average price I should be looking for and what websites will I find a decent quote? I have a 2002 vauxhall corsa 3 doors. I have tried all comparing websites which have given me the prices above and all 'black box' companies will not give me a quote as they are 'not available' to. Any help will be appreciated :)""

Which car insurance have you got the cheapest quote from for a 1.0 car?

my family is looking to buy a new car. My mum would be the main driver...my father the additional driver and me as another additional driver my mum has had her license for 15 years my dad has had it well over 30 years and i just passed a week ago any suggestions for the cheapest car insurance company ive been to gocompare but some sites dont show up any result....well quite alot frankly that i cannot go to each one individually to find a quote

Should people be required to have health care coverage like they do for car insurance?

That way if someone's not covered the hospital can refuse to treat them just like a car insurance company can refuse to cover someone who didn't have coverage with them. Problem solved, no need for the gov to intervene. Only those over 65 years old should be allowed to apply for medicaid, all other working age bodies should buy it themselves especially if they can all afford monthly cell phone and internet bills and clothes and vacations and stuff.""

How much do auto insurance agents make there first year?

What's the average for starting license auto insurance agents? Do they only make commision or hourly too? Are the leads provided. Is it a hard industry to get into?

How can i get very cheap health insurance?

i am 18 yrs old, i go to school and i work at a place that doesnt have insurance and i really need to go to get my teeth pulled and i need to go to the doc for my stomach... how can i get free or very cheap health insurance?? cause i have no MONEY!!""

How can i get my car insurance down ?

I am 18, male, and just past my driving test, yeah the odds are against me already for insurance. I have Pass Plus, no convictions etc. I can't go under anyone's name because none of my parents drive. I work as a supervisor in retail. I live in Edinburgh and will be parking on a private driveway. No matter what car i choose, wheather it be a 1.6 Honda CRX Del DOL, the car I wanted (more chance of winning the lottery than getting insurance for it) or a crap 80's Fiat Panda 1.0 each quote is between 2,000 - 7,000, so should i just snap my Licence or is there something to bring it down ?""

instant quote for builders risk insurance

instant quote for builders risk insurance

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/arizona-unemployment-insurance-claims-anthony-white/"

[shes-not-broken]

not sure what I'm doing

it finally happened, i finally did it. those three words that have been fighting their way out of my mouth have finally escaped. it’s just words, letters, but yet i have been fighting them back for so long. why? I'm scared. scared of rejection, scared that you don't feel the same way. i have know that i loved you since january, i remember the exact moment where i realized i wanted nothing more than to spend eternity with you. and here we are 9 months later, and now you know. you didn't say it back, you said you couldn't because you're scared. i find it kind of ironic because you hold me accountable when i say the same thing. anyways, am i upset that you didn't say it back? no, not at all. i don't want you to just because i said it, and when you say it i want to know you mean. i love you. i love you with every ounce of being i have in me. i have so much love to give, but i don't know if you can handle it. its scratching at every inch of skin and bone, it’s trying to escape. i want to flood you in love, suffocate you with it, but I'm worried that it will all be for nothing. I'm not stupid, you have to be hiding something. that pretty girl is not saved in your phone for the silly reasons you gave me, don't lie to me. but here i am, choosing to ignore it and instead trust you like i promised you i would. if it turns out my gut feeling is correct, then i will take the title of stupidest fucking girl in the world. and you will have to live the rest of your life knowing that you had someone that would leave everything behind and drop everything to make you happy and you threw it all away. and you will have no one to blame but yourself, because she chose to take your word for it and you betrayed her. but i hope thats not the case, i really am choosing to trust you and trust that you are keeping your promise just as i am keeping mine. i love you and that scares me. please don't do me wrong.

[steamy-cup-of-doom]

Anger rant

Alright, whos ready for some angry fucking sibling rants? I hope you said me me, because thats what you get As a preface i need to say that my father is black, my mother white, and that both of my sisters are full blooded relatives of mine. As ive grown, ive grown more and more disappointed with who my eldest sister actually is. As the youngest of three, with two older sisters, i was was always impressed, and have a point of view many of my peers do not. My second eldest sister has always been pretty transparent as to who she is. Of course, over time, i got to know her better, and knew different sides of her. And i thought the same was true of my eldest sister as well, but that was not the case. When i was young, my eldest sister, lets call her Jen, was like a shining beacon of unity and equality, an unshakable landmark of justice in a sea of discrimination. And then, the cracks in the cement at the base of her pedestal began to form oneday in a conversation about Star Trek: The Next Generation. Apparently, there is an episode whose purpose was social commentary on the patriarchal society that has somehow managed to persist to the day, in which the crew stumbles upon a planet which is gorverned by a matriarchy. And there were things said like, “Youre smart-for a man.” or “men cant do __ thats a womans job.”which i am fine with, and have even enjoyed in other forms or series. But, what caused the crumbling of my awe at jens righteous glory, was that one day, she was talking of this episode with her friends. She said, and i quote, “I would fucking love that shit. I would be at the front of the line, and id give it to all of them as bad as we get it.” and i was crushed. I was so shocked, i was actually numb, and i didnt even really feel the weight of it on me for a couple hours. And one reason why this hurt me was that she wasnt joking. She said this with sincerity in her eyes. And thats wrong. I strongly believe that if you would agree with jen, then, well, you are part of the cancerous growth on the side of feminism wwhich i like to refer to as ‘Extremists,’ and you are part of the reason that so many people hate feminism. No one who speaks as an advocate for civil rights or equality in any form or fashion should ever, EVER advocate the oppression of another group because of what has befallen them. Martin Luther King Jr. wouldnt have taken a million dollars if he would have turn a firehose on a group of innocent white people, nor would he have used the term “cracker” lightly, or at all, unless expressing his dissatisfaction at the actual term. Jens true fall from grace, however, hasnt stopped. No, it continues with her hitting another branch on the tree of hypocrisy every time she hurls the phrase “Little/white boy” like the most putrid of insults that would poison her and cause her grievous bodily harm if it remained in her mouth, Or everytime she brags about being sustained on white tears, or discredits someones complaint or hardship because theyre a “white bitch” or a “white asshole.” Now, jokes are one thing. i ve been known to, albeit ironically, take part in a joke much like this. But to state and present that as your own honest to god opinion to others is something quite different. And now, on to the straw that broke the camels back, the thing that sparked this in the first place. Tonight, while frantically working on a project that is a hefty portion of my grade in essentially three of my classes, i was beginning to stress out a bit, as its due tomorrow. After about an hour of ripping my fucking hair out, i realise that the little tablet computer i was working on didnt have a goddamn word program on it, which i would need to reformat and correct the resume and references copies for my project. At this point i was quite annoyed, and fairly snappy, despite my best efforts. So, when asking jen if i could use her laptop to finish up, my mother decided it was best if she were to call down to jen in her room in the basemant as opposed to me. “Nope” came as the simple reply to my request. When she was asked whyshe would not let me, she said “i dont wanna.” so. I proceeded to attempt to boot up our old desktop computer with the 1997 copy of microsoft word and a windows vista operating system which was the same model as optimus primes great fucking grandfather, to finish this. In literally over an hour i managed to go in and capitalize an s. That is all. Needless to say, i was at my wits end. I couldnt speak in coherent complete sentences, i was actually shaking, and i took several breaks to go out side and break wooden object over my knee. Now, it wasnt the fact that i needed to get my assignment done that had me so bothered, but the fact that upon seeing her brother in such an exasperated state that i was borderline non-functional, and, naturally, pretty goddamn short with people, her first instinct wasnt to agree to help me, but to get angry, refuse again, and continually say how she was in the middle of doing things, and, on top of that, just didnt want me to use her computer.now, i might be in the minority here, but if i were to see my sibling that i had known for 18 years, and never once in all that time seen him lose a handle on his temper after the age of about six so frustrated that he has to visibly physically struggle to keep his anger in line and fail a few times, my first natural inclination is to help them in whatever way i could. The best part of this situation is that it took me maybe a bit more than five minutes on her computer. Anyway, thats it for my venting this time. Im not correcting typos because i just dont care enough, but yes, i see them.